A date full of memories

I sat down at the computer this morning prepared to talk about the concert last night. But allow me a brief detour. As I typed the date on the top of the page, a wave of memories came over me. It was on the 26^th of June in 1969 that we left our home in the suburbs of St. Louis to begin our move to West Hartford. Ten years later, on the 26^th of June in 1979, I entered Northshore Hospital in Manhasset, Long Island, where I would spend the next three weeks in the hopes of delaying as long as possible the need to deliver our second child, Dina, who was born on the 17^th of July at 36 weeks gestation. On the 26^th of June in 1989, one of my dearest friends, who had thought he was entering the hospital for some back surgery, was diagnosed with a tumor at the base of his brain; I am glad to say that he is still around and has been a great source of strength for me as I have gone through this odyssey.

Once challenging events happened on June 26^th for three consecutive decades, I was concerned that this might be a permanent event in my life.

According to Jewish law, once something is done three times it is considered a permanent thing. This is called a “chazakah.” Let’s say you decide to take on a new good resolution. If you do it once—beginner’s luck. Twice—still beginner’s luck. If you do it three times then we can trust you. So the number three represents permanence. That’s why we do things (e.g., many rituals) in threes, since it adds strength to our acts.

But I am hopeful that I am off the hook on this one. To the best of my memory, June 26^th of the next two decades (1999 and 2009) passed uneventfully. I will need to let you know in four years from now whether a new chazakah has replaced the old one.

So now, on to David Crosby. First, I spoke incorrectly yesterday – the liver transplant was 20 years ago, not 10. The only negative thing I can say about last night is that neither of us was familiar with most of the songs he sang. But the positive thing is that he looks and sounds pretty good at 73 after all those years of hard living. It was just David and his guitar the entire time so there was no need for earplugs. He’s still railing against “the establishment” but with more disillusion than anger.

[When I typed that last phrase, I wanted to make sure I had gotten it right. And low and behold when I googled it I came across this:

http://www.csny.com/press/crosby,-stills,-nash-and-young-still-railing-against-the-establishment.html ]

Bottom line:

  1. Did we enjoy the show? Yes

  2. Would we likely go see him again? No, probably not

  3. Other comments? YES – bring back Stephen Stills and Graham Nash! 

      No one can do harmonies like those three guys!

Here is the full set list:

Set 1:

Tracks in the Dust

The Lee Shore (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song)

Naked in the Rain (Crosby & Nash song)

Time I Have

For Free (Joni Mitchell cover)

Dream for Him (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song)

Triad (The Byrds song)

Carry Me (Crosby & Nash song)

Thousand Roads

Set 2:

Everybody's Been Burned (The Byrds song)

Rusty and Blue (CPR song)

What Are Their Names

In My Dreams (Crosby, Stills & Nash song)

What Makes it So

Somebody Home

Laughing

Déjà Vu (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song)

Guinnevere (Crosby, Stills & Nash song)

Encore:

Cowboy Movie

Have a great weekend!

Love,

Rebecca

Dog and pony show

I should have known better. You would think that after over 63 years of living with myself I would, for better or worse, have a keener ability to predict how I will react to things.

On Tuesday evening, Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center put on a fantastic dog and pony show. I looked to Wikipedia to confirm my understanding of that expression before using it here:

"Dog and pony show" is a colloquial term which has come to mean a highly promoted, often over-staged performance, presentation, or event designed to sway or convince opinion for political, or less often, commercial ends. Typically, the term is used in a pejorative sense to connote disdain, jocular lack of appreciation, or distrust of the message being presented or the efforts undertaken to present it.

Yep, that explains it.

While we were waiting for the presentation to begin, a woman sitting next to me started up a conversation. The woman was morbidly obese, and she complained that she had a hard time finding a doctor who would treat her because of this. Then someone told her that at MSKCC they would be willing to take on the challenges of treating such a patient, and she is still here five years later.

To start the program, two former MSKCC patients, both relatively young, spoke of their experiences being diagnosed and treated for cancer. The first recalled being diagnosed at a local hospital, where the doctors provided her with rapid-fire information while all she could hear was “blah, blah, blah.” At MSKCC, the doctors took the time to explain everything to her. The second was a medical student at the time of his diagnosis and treatment, and is now planning to pursue post-graduate training in oncology.

The keynote speaker was neonatologist and cancer survivor Dr. Jennifer Arnold, co-star of “The Little Couple,” a television show which airs on TLC but we had never seen. She told a 30-minute version of the story of her life with the theme of “grace,” using each of the letters to represent something important she tries to include in the way she lives each day. Sorry, but despite the fact that we were given nifty little writing books, I did not write these down and cannot seem to remember any of them.

By now you are probably getting the feeling that I did not particularly enjoy tis event. Barry was not surprised; he was not sure why I wanted to go in the first place, and I can no longer articulate what I was expecting.

I am certainly not a dour person, and I do not think that I tend to focus too heavily on the darker side of things. But looking at cancer as a battle and celebrating the victors somehow suggests that those who were not in attendance at this event simply did not have the strength or the courage to fight the valiant fight. This is simply not true. It is very easy for the “survivors” and their caregivers to treat themselves to a round of applause, but how can we do this without forgetting all the patients and their devoted caregivers who are not in the room with us because they are too debilitated or no longer alive?

By definition those gathered on Tuesday were the ones who can wear rose-colored glasses. While I am grateful to be part of that group, I am ever mindful of how little any of my particular attributes had to do with it, and how quickly and easily it can all disappear.  

On a much lighter note, we are going out tonight to see David Crosby perform at a place called Town Hall. We have never seen him apart from Stephen Stills and Graham Nash. He underwent a liver transplant over ten years ago and it is wonderful that he came through that and is still able to perform. But we still have to think about all those folks who need transplants and cannot be moved to the top of the list in time to save them, or cannot afford to consider that option at all.

I will write about the concert!

  

Love,

Rebecca

Where in the world has that silly blogger been?

You may have noticed that I have been writing rather infrequently lately. To ease everyone’s minds, I am doing just fine. Let me explain.

Over the past month Barry has taken two major trips. The first was to Israel, where he returned to teach his 5-day clinical radiation biology course. He had been teaching this five day course at the Rambam Hospital in Tel Aviv every three years or so until about ten years ago. At that time, a group led by the Israeli oncologist who had originally brought Barry into the course in Israel formed a regional consortium to include residents in both radiation oncology and medical oncology from throughout the region to take the course. At the time, the least controversial location was in Istanbul, Turkey. At that point, a second radiation biologist, from Switzerland, began to share the teaching with him. Barry taught in Istanbul two or three times, missing the year when I was undergoing treatment.

This year a different set of plans ensued. Due to some changes in the residency program curricula for radiology and radiation oncology in Israel, there was renewed interest in having Barry and his Swiss colleague return to teach there. Although the other course is still being given in Turkey, his going there would have amounted to more travel than was reasonable for Barry to do. So Barry went off to Israel for about ten days.

Travel to Israel seemed prohibitively complicated and risky for me, so as much as I would have liked to join him, Barry went himself. But we are getting older now, and the time adjustment, which he never found easy, has only become more difficult. So he needed to go a few days early in order to be able to get sufficient rest to be able to do those many hours of teaching.

Then, after a little more than three weeks at home, he again headed for the airport, this time to Montpellier, France, for a meeting of the large consortium which he and a researcher from the UK lead looking at genetic determinates of adverse reactions to radiation therapy. This trip, too, was quite enticing, but I simply did not feel up to the difficult journey and the risk that all the balls would not be in play when they needed to be.

So, during both those trips, I stayed in Sharon, where I spent time with the children pretty much every day. While Barry was in Israel, our daughters prepared all the meals, but this past week I decided that I should pitch in, and I prepared a number of the weekday meals. It was a chance to make some things that I enjoy but Barry cannot eat, but I would much prefer to have him here.

Barry and I have spent very little time apart during the last 42+ years, and to be perfectly honest, we rather like it that way. As many of you who have been reading since I started blogging know, Barry did not stay at home on any of the nights I was in the hospital for all those rounds of chemotherapy. The accommodations were far from luxurious, but, rather than going home, he preferred sleeping on the lounge-chair-that-becomes-a-bed or even on the camp cot we had brought in case none of those chairs was available. What can I say? We are just sort of silly like that.

Barry came back from France on Thursday evening, and we stayed in Sharon for the weekend. Ella celebrated her 8^th birthday with a party on Sunday. Dina and Aaron took a whole bunch of girls to see the new movie “Inside Out.” We had hoped to stay for that but it turned out that Barry needed to be in New York first thing Monday morning, so we went to the theater for the cake and ice cream but left before the movie. It has gotten amazing reviews (AO Scott loved it, and it has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes) and we do plan to see it. The children really enjoyed it, so it will not be difficult to find at least one child to come along with us and see it again.

Back in May I wrote about an invitation I received for a “Survivorship Celebration” at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Today is the day, and it’s time to get ready to go. It should be interesting so I will have something to write about soon!

Be well, all.

Love,

Rebecca

Paintings improved with avocados

I found this on the web page for Steven Colbert’s new show, due to begin in a few months. Some of these are truly hilarious! I shared them with our granddaughter, Maya, who is quite interested in art and familiar with some of these paintings, and she was literally rolling on the floor laughing.

Enjoy!

http://www.colbertlateshow.com/photos/1004263/25-famous-paintings-improved-by-avocados/85716/25-famous-paintings-improved-by-avocados/

Love,

Rebecca

http://www.colbertlateshow.com/photos/1004263/25-famous-paintings-improved-by-avocados/85716/25-famous-paintings-improved-by-avocados/

Four movies

Over the past few weeks we have managed to see four movies, but somehow I haven’t found time to sit down and share them.

The first movie is called “Results.” The story revolves around three characters at a fitness center in Austin, Texas: a tightly wound young woman named Kat (Cobie Smulders), who works as a personal trainer, her boss Trevor (Guy Pearce), and Danny (Kevin Corrigan), a woefully out-of-shape man meandering through his days with too much recently inherited money and no idea of what to do with his life.

From the start you have a feeling that Kat and Trevor are interested in a personal relationship, but have not chosen to jeopardize their professional one. While Kat trains wealthy people in their homes, Trevor is trying to find ways to expand his business by promoting a lifestyle of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being he has developed himself. Danny has recently moved to Austin after a messy divorce and comes to the gym looking for some direction to get his life on track.

The story ends pretty much as you expected it would for this interesting and somewhat offbeat set of characters.

“Pickup on South Street” is an old (1953) film noir neither of us had ever seen. The story is about a petty crook named Skip McCoy (played by Richard Widmark) who pickpockets the purse of a woman named Candy (played by Jean Peters) who, is unknowingly carrying information for the communist underground.  Both the FBI and the spies who planted the information in the bag are trying to retrieve it. But as often happens in these charming old films, Skip falls for Candy, and the rest is as you expect. We had never heard of this film but it is fun to see some of these old pieces now and then.

“I’ll See You in my Dreams” stars Blythe Danner as a long ago widowed woman named Carol who lives a quiet life alone, distant from her grown daughter, and gathering frequently with friends Georgina (June Squibb), Sally (Rhea Perlman) and Rona (Mary Kay Place) with whom she seems to have little in common except for having time on their hands to play cards and drink wine. She develops an odd friendship of sorts with her pool cleaner, a fellow young enough to be her son who is obviously enthralled with her. One evening they go to Karaoke together. Once a singer, Carol still has a fairly good voice, but her young friend is less talented.

Although unlike her friends she is not interested in meeting men or dating, she goes along with their plans to attend an evening of speed dating where she meets a variety of odd characters, including one who earnestly tells her that he is unconcerned if she has Herpes.

On her way out of the speed dating event, a man (Sam Elliott) comes over to introduce himself as Bill, and they make plans to get together. It is clear that she has finally met someone who is able to pique her interest in a relationship. At this point I want to stop so as not to give away the ending.

Although there were some interesting aspects to the movie, and Blythe Danner’s performance resulted in a very believable character, overall the movie was a bit sappy for my taste. Too much was too perfect, but perhaps the less than “happily ever after” ending provided the right balance.

Finally, we saw “Love and Mercy,” a movie about the Beach Boys, a popular singing group in the 1960s. While we are, of course, familiar with many of the songs written and recorded by this group, I had just assumed that over time, as so often happens, their popularity faded. I had no idea what had gone on with the key players that pulled the band apart and out of the spotlight.

In the movie, the group’s leader, Brian Wilson, was played by two actors. Paul Dano played the young Brian Wilson, while John Cusack was Brian as he went into his forties. The psychiatrist who treats Brian, Dr. Eugene Landy, is played by Paul Giamatti, one of my favorite contemporary actors. Much as I think of him as a nice guy, he did a fantastic job of portraying a truly despicable character.

The movie shifts back and forth between the 1960s and the 1980s. The early decade focuses on the recording of the groups’ 1966 “Pet Sounds” album, with a good deal of attention given to the nuts and bolts of writing and recording these songs. One especially memorable segment involves Brian having difficulty getting the band to produce the precise sound he wants for a particular passage. In the 1980s, the focus is on Mr. Wilson’s deteriorating mental state, and the efforts of  Melinda Leadbetter (Elizabeth Banks) a young woman who has grown to love him and fears the role that Dr. Landy is playing in his psychiatric illness.

Whatever the reasons, Brian Wilson was a talented but quite troubled young man. It took many years for him to return to anything resembling a normal life. We have put a “best of” compilation of 30 Beach Boys songs on to Barry’s iPhone, so we’re all set for our next drive!

In addition to four movies, we just had to get over to the Botanical Gardens because the roses are in bloom. Because of some remodeling of a section adjacent to where the roses are grown, they moved the exhibit to another section, and getting there took us along a walk with a terrific view of the entire rose garden.

Have a wonderful week!

Love,

Rebecca

What better reason to have children?

Long ago, one of the main reasons people had children was to provide free labor (no pun intended) to care for the animals and work the fields. Nowadays our children live in the lap of luxury. But despite all the elaborate and expensive toys, what they seem to enjoy the most are the everyday activities around the house, which actually turn out to be excellent opportunities to learn basic skills.

So here is our youngest, who has just started to walk, and is “helping” her mother in the kitchen. That extra set of hands will surely be useful once she gets the details right!

Enjoy watching.

Love,

Rebecca