No words

I know it has been a few weeks since I have posted. At first it was just that we were very busy with the holidays. We came to Sharon the weekend before Sukkot and have been here the last couple of weeks. The holidays always keep us busy. The weather was perfect the first two days, sunny and comfortable, just cool enough to keep the bees from intruding on our festive meals. We ate with our children for the evening meals but were invited to friends both days. The first was a wonderful opportunity for the two of us to spend an afternoon with the two of them, their daughter and her husband, and their young grandson. It had been far too long since we had the opportunity to time to sit and reminisce. The second day was the annual gathering at another friend’s house. A number of people were away but it made it more possible to really chat with almost everyone who was there, and that was quite enjoyable. There was an abundance of delicious food throughout the holiday, too!

After the first two glorious days of Sukkot, the rain came, and came, and came, and did not stop until the last days. So we really had much less time in the Sukkah than we would have liked; maybe next year.

During our years in Sharon, we lived very close to a number of members of our synagogue. Most of us were 30-something couples with elementary or younger children. A few of us lived on Brook Road in Sharon, including Barry and Hilary and their children. Just before last Shabbat we received the news we had all been dreading, that Barry had died of cancer. Barry (my husband) and I had been visiting our friend on nearly every trip to Sharon over the past months. He had been diagnosed about two years ago and initially seemed to do well following surgery, but the cancer returned with a vengeance and he had been in home hospice for the last couple of months. All of their children were in Sharon for the first days of Sukkot. Their oldest son lives on the West Coast and left his wife and two young children behind, but their other two sons, their daughter and her husband and two children all spent the holiday in Sharon.

Barry and Hilary were both doctors: Barry specialized in hematology/oncology and Hilary in pediatrics. It was actually through our friend Barry that Barry met Dr. K., an oncologist/radiation oncologist in Israel, and it was Dr. K. who organized an intensive week long course Barry has taught in clinical radiation biology. The course has taken a number of forms but basically Barry taught a clinical radiation biology course in Israel or in Turkey for an intense week every three years or so.

There was a memorial service in Sharon before the family travelled to Israel where he was to be buried today, and they are probably on their way back as I write this, to sit Shiva at their home on Brook Road. I am confident that all of their wonderful friends in the Sharon community will help Hilary navigate the difficult road ahead.  

Love,

Rebecca

Mothers and daughters

During the hubbub of the last couple of weeks we did manage to see one film, “Learning to Drive.” This is a sweet story about a 50-something year old professional named Wendy (Patricia Clarkson) whose husband suddenly leaves her for a younger woman. Being a Manhattanite, Wendy has never had a driver’s license, but now that she is single, she wants to be able to visit her daughter, who lives on a farm in Vermont, and engages Darwan (Ben Kingsley), a driving instructor to teach her to drive. A Sikh Indian, Darwan was a professor in India before being jailed for his religious beliefs. He was able to obtain political asylum in the United States but unable to obtain an academic position.

Perhaps because she is learning so late in life, or perhaps because she is resentful about the cause of her having to acquire this skill, she is not what you would call a willing student or a quick study. While Wendy works to master the rules of the road, Darwan works to master the ways of America and of women as he enters into a marriage arranged by family back home. Although the ending is fairly predictable, it is an interesting journey. The film did not receive terribly high marks on Rotten Tomatoes but we thought it was quite charming and enjoyable.

Wendy’s daughter, Tasha, was played by a young actress we had never seen before, but when the movie ended we said to each other “she is a dead ringer for Meryl Streep.” We watched the credits and found her name is Grace Gummer. That name did not ring any particular bells for us, but it came as no surprise to find that she is the daughter of Don Gummer, an American sculptor, and Meryl Streep. Here are mother and daughter side by side. Meryl Streep’s shoes cannot be easy ones to fill, but we will look forward to seeing more of Grace Gummer.

There is a lot on the news this week about the upcoming visit of Pope Francis. You probably thought I was going to say “about the presidential candidates,” but that is far too serious a topic for me to tackle. This piece by comedian Jim Gaffigan, shown on “CBS Sunday Morning,” really does capture the Pope’s visit well, with warmth and humor.

Enjoy the week as we finally start transitioning into fall.

Love,

Rebecca

That's our girl

We had a wonderful Rosh Hashana. It has been quite a few years since we last spent this holiday in Riverdale, and the synagogue services were every bit as inspiring as I remembered them. The music is a big part of this. Elie Kranzler, the fellow who leads the highlight prayer service, called Mussaf, is a psychiatrist who really could leave his day job and be a cantor (Chazzan), although likely not quite as lucratively. Besides having a magnificent and soulful voice, he has over the years compiled a collection of melodies he uses that are not heard elsewhere, and he often adds to the list. The result is a very long service but one that feels as if it goes by very quickly.

This year, a new addition was the use of the melody from the Leonard Cohen song, “Hallelujah.” He used it in a passage that talks about praising God with the blast of the shofar, the lyre and harp, drum and dance, organ and flute, clanging of cymbals, and resonant trumpets. [It just took me about 15 minutes to find that spot to refresh my memory on the details.] The most wonderful thing about Hebrew Institute of Riverdale is that everyone just joins in, even if they’ve never heard it before. If you are there, it is because you “get” what he is doing. It was wonderful.

A friend who was sitting next to me said “now I know what you will write on your blog tomorrow!” So I hope I have not disappointed her!

But as enjoyable as Rosh Hashana was, this afternoon was really special. Our mail has been piling up and I had in mind to take care of that this afternoon. I added today’s arrivals to the pile, one of which was a large envelope from the Striar Hebrew Academy of Sharon, where our daughters teach and our grandchildren attend school. We opened the envelope and took out a brochure, and there on the cover, standing next to Rabbi Yehudah Potok, the school principal, is our very own Maya! There is just nothing I can write that can tell as much as that picture does.

Enjoy this nice weather we’re having!

Love,

Rebecca

Three disconnected topics

#1. Have you seen this? We received it in some financial magazine and it turns out that there are more extensive versions all over the internet. Perhaps it is true that each of us has a twin out there somewhere.

#2. With all the publicity it has received and my devotion to “The Colbert Report,” you may be wondering why I have not yet written about the newly launched “Late Show with Stephen Colbert.” Because it is on well past our bedtime, I have only seen the first show. I enjoyed it but he seemed to be working a bit too hard and I don’t see how he could possibly keep up that intensity without driving himself and the rest of us completely nuts. So although it was heartwarming to welcome him back into my life, I will need to reserve the full assessment for a few days. Sorry, Stephen. It would be fair to say that I care too much!

#3. Barry and I did manage to squeeze in a movie this week, “Grandma,” in which Lily Tomlin plays Elle, who, to put it mildly, is a 70-something unconventional woman. She had been briefly married in her 20s and gave birth to a baby girl before realizing she was a lesbian. When the story begins, her long-time partner has recently died.

Although mostly estranged from her daughter, she continues to have a relationship with her college age granddaughter, Sage (played by Julia Garner). The young woman discovers an unintended pregnancy, and the young man who shared in this responsibility is not interested in helping her. So she goes to her grandmother to borrow money.

At this point the plot itself becomes a bit ridiculous, because it is hard to believe that no one can come up with the cash that Sage needs. Among the candidates are a fellow named Karl, played by Sam Elliott, who has a small role as the husband that Elle had abandoned many years before. Karl has had some financial success but remains angry at Elle and refuses to help her granddaughter. After going through everyone Elle knows who might have some financial resources, Sage and Elle are eventually forced to go to the woman who links them, Judy (played by Marcia Gay Harden), a successful businesswoman. In many ways the plot from this point is rather predictable: everyone grows up a bit and recognizes how much they care for and need each other.

Although the story was a bit weak, the actors, particularly Ms. Tomlin, were excellent. It did receive a high score (92%) on Rotten Tomatoes. We had heard and read quite a bit about it, and I am glad we got to see it. Especially since the next few weeks will be far too busy for movies!

So now that I think I am caught up, I just have to get back to all my cooking! I am already running short on freezer space.

Love,

Rebecca

A long hiatus

My last post, on the 19^th of August, ended

If I do not manage to come up for air over the next two weeks, please do not worry about me. Just enjoy the rest of summer!

Other than underestimating the length of the hiatus, I was right on the mark!

After having enjoyed our weeks with Joshua and with Ella, we had a tremendously fulfilling and enjoyable, even if somewhat exhausting, weeks with each of our other granddaughters, Eliana and Maya, back to back during August. I have been busy since we finally came back to New York trying to organize all the pictures and put together photo books for each of them.

Before I begin on the highlights, we came back just in time for my twice yearly visit to Dr. DeAngelis at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. These visits are always on Tuesdays because that is the day she does outpatient follow-up.  I was glad we were able to squeeze this one in before Rosh Hashana so that I could at least have one less thing to worry about, and fortunately the news was good. In fact, she said that the strange “junk” that used to appear in the MRI scans seems to have finally disappeared in this one. Now all that is left is to figure out how to replace the actual part of my brain that was lost during the process so that I could at least remember things a bit more reliably. But I don’t want to sound too greedy or demanding. I think all in all I can say quite definitively that I have indeed been blessed again this year.

Speaking of blessings….our grandchildren are right up at the top of the list. We brought Eliana with us after a weekend in Sharon on August 24^th. We were disappointed to discover that the Haydn Planetarium, which we enjoyed so much with Ella, is currently closed, presumably for renovations. But we had plenty else to keep us busy. Our first point of interest was along the drive from Sharon to New York, Mystic Aquarium. It was raining at first but then the skies cleared so it was a lovely day to be there.

On Tuesday Eliana visited her great grandmother (Barry’s mother, who lives close to us) and then we played games and hung out around the house.

Wednesday we went to see “Aladdin” on Broadway. The same actor has continued in the role of the genie, and he and the show were every bit as fabulous as we had remembered. Eliana thoroughly enjoyed it, and is now asking if we can see Matilda (the show that Ella saw) next summer. We’re hoping there will be more shows for children because by time #3 these are going to get just a bit tired!

On Thursday Eliana wanted to go to Legoland, so we spent a fun morning there before heading over to the American Girl store. Eliana took Isabelle to have her hair done and we had fun watching that.

The next thing we knew it was Friday morning and we headed back to Sharon. Our other daughter and family were away with her husband’s family, so we had a quiet Sabbath lunch with Simmie and crew.

When we had bought the tickets to take Maya to “The Lion King” we had discovered that there was no Wednesday matinee the week she was coming, so we decided to go to the Sunday matinee. That meant we had to get up and on the road bright and early. We stopped at our house, which is on the way, refreshed, and then headed into the City. Maya was completely mesmerized by the show.

On Monday, we went to the Museum of Modern Art because that was the last day they were having some special children’s programming that had been running during the summer. Maya is quite interested in art, and we ended up spending over seven hours there! There were some art projects but the main thing she enjoyed were the elementary school level explanations that could be heard on our cell phones. Each one was about 1 ½ to 2 minutes long, and focused on some of the better known work in the collection, like the Monet Water Lilies and the Van Gogh Starry Night.

We bought her a lovely set of colored pencils like the one we had bought Ella, and when we got home she drew a few pictures. We find it fascinating how well she captured the essence of the two of us.

The next day we went to the Bronx Zoo. Maya and Barry rode the elephants, and on the way out she bought a large stuffed lion that she named, of course, Simba.

On Wednesday, after visiting with Barry’s mother, we headed off for a third visit to American Girl. Maya had Kit and Caroline’s hair done, and to even things with her sister and cousin, she bought a third doll, Maryellen, who is supposed to be a girl from the 1950s.

By Thursday I think we had worn the poor girl out! We went over to the Botanical Gardens but it was quite warm and our little bundle of enthusiasm and energy was fading a bit, so we went home and relaxed, drew, and played games. Friday was another big day, we left early to be able to stop at Mystic Aquarium on our way back to Sharon, and had a great time there.

This is the second year that we have run “Camp Nana/Sabba,” with each of the grandchildren coming to spend time with us doing the things they most like to do, and eating the foods they most like to eat. With another “all clear” signal this week, we hope to be able to continue this tradition for many years to come. In a few years we will add Julia into the mix. Will “The Lion King” still be on Broadway?

May your transitions back to work and school go well and in good health.

Love,

Rebecca

A brief break in the summer action

We have been at home in Riverdale for the past couple of weeks, so we have taken the opportunity to see three recently-released films.

#1

The first was a film called “The Best of Enemies,” a documentary about the relationship between intellectuals Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley, Jr. who appeared in a series of debates before and during the Republican National Convention and the election of Richard Nixon as president in 1968. What began as an effort on the part of ABC to capture some of the viewer share that was solidly focused on CBS (Walter Cronkite) and NBC (Chet Huntley and David Brinkley) took on a life of its own.

Buckley and Vidal were two well-known intellectuals, each of whom had unsuccessfully run for elected office. They were also the products of very wealthy families, with all the privileges that entailed. Their personal relationship was far from amicable; as you watch them they appear to share no less than disgust for one another.

The timing of the release of this film at the beginning of the process to select the next President of the United States was enlightening. Perhaps it is just another lesson of “nothing new under the sun.” But rather than the soundbites to which we are typically limited, the debates themselves were on an extremely high intellectual plane. While this topic may not be among my favorites, it was certainly a very well done documentary and worth seeing.

#2

The second film we saw was “The End of the Tour.” This movie traces a five-day period in the life of the late author David Foster Wallace (played by Jason Segel) during which he is being interviewed by David Lipsky (played by Jesse Eisenberg), a reporter for Rolling Stone, following the 1996 publication to stellar reviews of his 1000+ page epic novel, “Infinite Jest.” In the interest of transparency, I have to admit that I have not read the book, the same way that A.O. Scott admitted his potential bias in his New York Times review of this film,

…by all rights I should hate ‘The End of the Tour,’ … a portrait of the writer that has its origins in a (never-published) magazine profile. In fact, I love it.

The plot is simple. Lipsky (I will refer to the principals by their last names since they have the same given name) convinces his editor at Rolling Stone to allow him to write an article about Wallace, and he travels to Bloomington, IL, where Wallace is teaching, to conduct a few days of intense interviews with the rather reclusive author. The interest here is not only what Lipsky learns about Wallace, but also in what he learns about himself. As A.O. Scott writes (far better than I could),

David Foster Wallace is not really its subject at all. ‘The End of the Tour’ is at once an exercise in post-postmodern literary mythmaking and an unsparing demolition of the contemporary mythology of the writer. It’s ultimately a movie — one of the most rigorous and thoughtful I’ve seen — about the ethical and existential traps our fame-crazed culture sets for the talented and the mediocre alike.

Neither of the lead characters is especially likable. Wallace was a somewhat exasperating character to watch because I often could not tell whether he was trying to be humorous or he was just plain mean (it was probably some of both). Lipsky was dour, a bit hot-headed, and egocentric, just not someone with whom you would want to spend much time. It is amazing that they managed to spend five days together.

I found a fascinating 1997 interview for which Wallace sat with Charlie Rose (attached here). Sadly, David Foster Wallace was a troubled soul who ended his life in 2008 at the age of 46.

#3

In all of director Noah Baumbach’s films we have seen, the main characters are a bit flighty and self-involved young adults. First there was “The Squid and the Whale,” then “Margot at the Wedding,” and it was only a few months ago that we saw “While We’re Young” (I wrote about it on 22 April).

Having seen a trailer and briefly scanned the review, we went to see “Mistress America” somewhat expecting more of a comedy than Baumbach’s previous films. Perhaps I have lost some of my sense of humor, but it may be misleading to label it this way. I thought a lot of it was rather sad. The main characters are two young women, 30-year-old Brooke (played by Greta Gerwig) and 18-year-old Tracy (played by Lola Kirke) who find themselves thrust into some sort of relationship when the (widowed) father of one and the (divorced) mother of the other decide to get married.

This sets the two young women determined to spend some time together. Initially things go well. Tracy is in awe of Brooke, who has an amazing enthusiasm for everything and is full of grandiose ideas. But life is never that simple, and a different side of her begins to emerge that ends their brief, high energy relationship as they both return to reality. 

Speaking of reality, we are preparing for our next grandparenting extravaganza, aka Camp NanaSabba. Eliana (10) will be coming to New York with us on Monday, and we have quite a bit planned, including the Wednesday Broadway matinee of “Aladdin”, and a list of other activities, including the Museum of Natural History with the planetarium. Then on Friday we will return Eliana to her parents, spend Sabbath in Sharon, and leave first thing Sunday morning with Eliana’s sister Maya (7), because we have tickets for the noon matinee of “The Lion King.” We are also anxious to take Maya to the Museum of Modern Art, and we just discovered and downloaded to our iPhones an app for guiding children to highlights of the museum, with fun facts about some of the major paintings there.

If I do not manage to come up for air over the next two weeks, please do not worry about me. Just enjoy the rest of summer!

Love,

Rebecca

Light and joy

While there has certainly been tremendous progress in the diagnosis and treatment of cancer over the past 50 years, none of us need look very far beyond his or her circle of close friends and relatives to know people who have died of this disease. But one thing is for certain: for those who do not survive, young or old, death comes far too soon.

I started thinking about this on hearing the news that a long-time friend died on Monday of the cancer with which he had been diagnosed nearly two years ago. He was only a few years older than we are, the father of five children and nearly twice that many grandchildren, the oldest of whom is 15. This especially resonates for me, because for the last three years, my most fervent wish has been that I will dance at my grandchildren’s weddings; our friend will never have that joy.

Unlike the vast majority of men around our age, this friend was relatively unique in that he served in Vietnam. That experience certainly contributed to his personality, providing him with a somewhat different perspective on life from many of his “baby boomer” peers. The experience may well have also exposed him to chemicals that eventually caused the disease that ended his life.

Our friend’s Hebrew name was שִׂמְחָה (Simcha), which means joy, and his wife’s name is אוֹרָה  (Ora), which means light. The expression אוֹרָה וְשִׂמְחָה (light and joy) appears in the story of Queen Esther that we read on Purim, and has been incorporated into Havdala, the brief service conducted at the end of every Sabbath, a ritual marking the transition from the joy and tranquility of the Sabbath to the mundane concerns of everyday living:

 לַיְּהוּדִים, הָיְתָה אוֹרָה וְשִׂמְחָה, וְשָׂשֹׂן, וִיקָר.

 The Jews had light and gladness, and joy and honor.

Although, with the loss of their husband, father, and grandfather a big part of this family’s joy has ended, we hope that they will continue to appreciate the light that still burns in their lives.

Love,

Rebecca