My blogging history:
2012: diagnosed with and underwent treatment for Primary CNS lymphoma in my brain.
2012-2013: blogged on Caring Bridge.
2013: moved to Blogger.
2017: diagnosed with bladder cancer and blogged through 14 chemotherapy treatments and 37 sessions of radiation therapy, each with its own t-shirt and musical selection.
2018 to February 2020: Treated every 3 weeks with pembrolizumab for spread of bladder cancer to lymph nodes. As of June 2020, continue to be cancer free.
I have not written
much about political matters over this past year or so. I realize that I have
readers and friends with a wide range of viewpoints and have tried hard to
respect their views and retain those friendships. But I knew I could no longer
remain silent when I saw the headline in this morning’s New York Times:
Stepsister
Yes, Grandma No: US Sets Guidelines for Revised Travel Ban
The Supreme Court has
ruled that any travel ban involving Muslim countries would not be enforced
among foreign nationals who have a close familial relationship with a person in
the United States. But what precisely does “close familiar relationship” mean?
According to a diplomatic cable obtained by The New York Times, “close family”
is “defined as a parent (including parentinlaw), spouse, child, adult son or
daughter, son-in-law, daughter-inlaw, sibling, whether whole or half. This includes
step relationships.” But the document went on to state that “close family”
does not
include “grandparents, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, nieces,
nephews, cousins, brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, fiancés, and any other ‘extended’
family members.”
I recognize that
grandparents may not be considered part of one's “immediate family.” But the
idea that grandparents are not part of one's “close family” is beyond absurd. If
the first rows at a wedding are reserved for “close family,” does that mean
that the bride’s and groom’s grandparents are left to sit wherever they can
find seats after they have walked down the aisle?
Under our previous
President, Marian Robinson, the mother of the first lady, was often referred to
as the “First Granny.” She moved into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue after President
Obama’s 2006 inauguration along with her daughter and son-in-law, and played an
active, albeit out of the spotlight, role in the children’s lives.
How can we go from that
model to one in which we do not recognize grandparents as part of a close
family?
It has been a busy week and a half during which Barry
travelled to Barcelona to attend a meeting. We had been in Barcelona together
eight years ago but at this point the travel is simply too difficult for me. During
the summer, when Sabbath does not end until after 9 pm on Saturday evening, the
only way to be in Barcelona by Monday morning is to travel on the Thursday
evening before. So Barry had a weekend on his own, and booked a hotel for his
first couple of nights near many of the magnificent buildings designed by the
late architect Antoni Gaudi (1852-1926). Quite a bit of progress has been made
over those eight years in the completion of the La Sagrada Familia cathedral, the
most famous of Gaudi’s works, which has been under construction since 1892 and
is anticipated to be complete by the 100th anniversary of his death.
Meanwhile, back on the home front, I spent the week in Sharon
and kept busy with our grandchildren. As I was preparing this, I realized I had
never written about or posted pictures of a lovely recent event in Ella’s class
at Striar Hebrew Academy of Sharon (SHAS), the opening of a garden which was
planted by the fourth and fifth grade classes and will continue throughout the
summer and into future years, with produce to be donated to local food banks.
Dina and Aaron hosted quite the party to celebrate Ella’s 11th
birthday last Sunday, and fortunately the weather fully cooperated. They
barbequed hotdogs, served a yummy cake that Dina baked, made cotton candy (a
friend owns a cotton candy machine), and roasted marshmallows. A terrific time
was had by all.
Two days later was the Fifth Grade Graduation at SHAS. Here
are a few pictures from that event. Because there were only eight students in Ella’s
class, each was able to share their memories of their years at the school,
which was quite touching and a wonderful opportunity for them to become accustomed
to public speaking.
After Maya’s last day of school on Wednesday, Simmie and I
took her over to Crescent Ridge Dairy, a local dairy farm that serves delicious
home-made ice cream!
We found ourselves back at Crescent Ridge again the very
next day, when Dina and I took all six children for an afternoon treat.
And just for a smile, here is a particularly cute look at Noah playing with my purse and shoes:
Barry returned from Barcelona late Thursday evening, and
first thing Friday we headed back to New York because he had a review session
this morning with the group of residents who are soon taking their board qualifying
exams. We are looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet which will hopefully
allow him to recover from the nasty cold he must have picked up on the flight.
This was posted on Facebook by the Striar Hebrew Academy of
Sharon, where our granddaughter Ella is a graduating fifth grade student:
Mazel tov to Ella Saks for receiving this
year's Rose Ruderman Scholars Award. Thank you to The Ruderman Family Foundation for this beautiful acknowledgement of the
works of chesed and communal engagement of our children.
Mazal Tov Ella! They could not have selected a more
deserving awardee. May your intelligence, kindness, and beautiful smile take
you from strength to strength.
During the 1984-1985 season, comedian/actor Billy Crystal starred
in a recurring skit on Saturday Night Live (SNL) in which he hosted a talk show
called “Fernando’s Hideaway.” The skit was a parody of Fernando Lamas, a fairly
well known Argentine-Americanactor and director. “Fernando”
would interview various celebrities, each of whom he would tell that they “look
mahvelous.” The interviews would
frequently end with what became an oft quoted line, “it is better to look good
than to feel good and you look mahvelous!”
Until reading about this today, more
than thirty years later, I had never realized that “Fernando's Hideaway” was
entirely improvised; neither the famous guests nor the writers knew what Mr. Crystal
would ask during the interviews. Mostly, he just tried to make everyone laugh, which
was, after all, the main goal of Saturday Night Live!
I was reminded of that great line yesterday when someone
said something to me that I seem to hear fairly frequently lately, “you look
terrific.” This is not a line I ever heard before the past couple of years, and
I am still not quite sure what to make of it.
I have never spent a lot of time fretting about my less than
stellar physique. In high school, my mother assured me that the smart boys
would want to marry a smart girl, and at least I had modest academic success. During
most of my adult life (before cancer) I was somewhat overweight. I do not wear
makeup, and have never been a fashion trendsetter. So it is a bit unnerving to
have people comment on my looks.
The other piece of this that is puzzling perhaps provides a
light in which to interpret these compliments. In movies and on television
shows, a good way to communicate the idea that a character is at death’s door
is to stick a nasal cannula on him or her. That may well be how people react to
this in real life. Perhaps those folks who feel compelled to assure me that I
look “terrific” are simply expressing encouragement that they do not see the
end as anywhere near. And with more than twenty years of smachot (happy occasions) ahead, I do hope their optimism is well
founded.
Meanwhile, I am grateful for a house with central air
conditioning. This extreme heat makes breathing difficult for everyone!
We had quite a busy week
in Sharon. All twelve of us gathered for a Memorial Day Barbeque for which Barry
had bought an especially large and succulent steak for our wonderful carnivore
daughter Dina, who likes her meat just barely warm, and posted this on her
Facebook page.
We had a lovely Shavuot on Wednesday and Thursday. Almost every year, our whole family gathers for lunch on the second day, which this year was the 20th anniversary of Barry’s father’s passing. We feasted on fruit soup, blintzes (Simmie made potato and I made cheese, of course), vegetable quiche, and an assortment of interesting salads Dina prepared. Then of course we had cheesecake – the same one I have made, with few exceptions, every year for decades. I do enjoy Pesach but Shavuot is hands down my favorite holiday for food!
On Sunday morning, we accompanied Maya to an exhibition of work from one of her art classes. Among other things, the students had done a project using popsicle sticks and clay to construct a replica of the famous foot bridge in Giverny that Money used in his paintings of water lilies. I must say (completely unbiased) that Maya’s was quite impressive.
After the art show, Simmie and I headed up to Newton (a suburb of Boston) with Eliana and Ella to look for an outfit for Eliana to wear at her Bat Mitzvah celebration in the fall. A few of Simmie’s friends had recommended two shops about a mile from each other, and we found something at the first but decided to check out the second before making the purchase. That turned out to be a good choice because the latter store had more dresses that fit the bill. We ended up finding two that were very nice, and figuring she would need clothing for friends’ parties, I convinced Simmie to let me buy her both. This is what Nanas are for, right?
We saw an excellent movie, “The Women’s Balcony.” The movie is in Hebrew with English subtitles. I still struggle with keeping up with reading subtitles, and my Hebrew is not good enough to understand the dialogue without them, so it was a bit of a struggle, but I think I understood most of it.
For those of you who are not familiar, in traditional Orthodox synagogues, men and women sit in separate sections. Sometimes the two sections are on two sides, sometimes front and back, and sometimes the women’s section will be in a balcony. The movie begins with the celebration of a Bar Mitzvah, when a boy reaches age thirteen and begins his responsibilities as a Jewish adult. In the middle of services at the community synagogue, the unthinkable happens and the balcony collapses. Although no lives are lost, the aging Rebbitzen (wife of the Synagogue Rabbi) is left in a coma, which in turn leads the Rabbi to something of a mental breakdown. A young rabbi named David appears on the scene and offers to help lead the congregation as they rebuild and restart.
Rabbi David seems like a nice enough fellow but it quickly becomes clear that he follows rather strict traditional interpretations involving the role of women in synagogue life. This fact, combined with the community’s limited financial resources, leads to a growing rift that even has an impact on the marriages of some of the couples themselves.
Watching the movie, I really was not quite sure how it would end. I do not want to ruin it for those of you who might want to see the film, which you should do if you have the chance.
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by the news. In my
earlier life, I lacked either intense interest or adequate time to watch or
read a great deal. But now that I have more time I seem to have developed more
interest. Since reading remains something of a struggle, television is a major
source of information for me. But I am learning that there is a distinct
downside to this obsession with current events, one that perhaps on some level
I knew all along: much of the news is focused on human misery. And because
things can only happen so quickly, much of the news is repetitive, which only
serves to make things seem more miserable than they already are. Having said
that, between the things we do to each other and the things that just happen to
us by virtue of being human and living on this planet, there is no lack of sad
news even without repetition.
At the end of the day, we humans cannot entirely escape
sadness. We awoke yesterday to the news of the death of Gregg Allman on
Saturday at the age of 69. I last wrote about The Allman Brothers Band in March
of 2014, when we saw one of their final spring shows at The Beacon Theater in
New York (they later performed their last Beacon gig in October of that year). The
cause of Gregg’s death was liver cancer. After years of hard living, he had
undergone a liver transplant in 2010, and from some of what I have been able to
read this morning it seems that liver cancer is not uncommon in transplant
recipients. Far be it from me to blame the victim: I am just sad that this
talented performer is no longer.
Jon Pareles of the New York Times provided his top ten list
of Gregg Allman songs:
Meanwhile, a much less upsetting loss was the 5-0 game that the Boston Red Sox lost to the Seattle Mariners. We were there at Fenway Park, where we remained until the very last pitch with the hope that somehow, miracle against miracle, the Red Sox would score. What is really amazing to me is that it does not seem to matter that Fenway Park is over 100 years old and that the Red Sox are not doing all that well: the fans flock to see them! It is quite a different experience from CitiField. The access, parking, and facilities are woefully inadequate by today’s standards; I was able to make use of a restroom near our seats for people with disabilities and mothers with babies, but the boys had to walk up two flights of stairs just to relieve themselves. It was far from a beautiful day, rather gray and chilly, but every seat was taken. I guess the Red Sox has a very loyal fan base.
