For
most of my life beyond early childhood, like so many other people, I have
struggled with controlling my weight. Although I never became morbidly obese,
it was always clear that I weighed more than ideal for my height.
Despite
all the downsides, this cancer has been a highly effective weight loss program
for me. I now weigh less than I ever have during my adult life, even a bit less
than I weighed when Barry and I were married almost forty years ago. I have had
to buy an entirely new wardrobe in sizes I never dreamed I would wear. But
still, when I look at myself in the mirror, I see the same person as before,
and, odd as this may sound, she continues to look a bit chunky to me. My
doctors keep telling me not to lose more weight, and I keep making jokes about
how that is about the last thing I would have ever expected to hear from a
physician.
A
few months ago we had an opportunity to see a dear long-time friend who lives
far from us. It was clear that he was quite taken aback when he first saw me.
But I didn’t really think much about it at the time. So it was quite a
shock to see pictures of me from the Grandparents’ Day events last week posted
on the school’s website. The weather has grown warmer and I had on a short-sleeved
crew-neck shirt. I keep staring at the pictures and wondering if I really do
look that thin.
It
has been enlightening to see myself a bit more the way that Barry sees me, and to
better understand why he is on a mission to make sure I eat. Lucky for me he is
a terrific cook and spends a lot of energy making sure we have things I enjoy
eating. The new wardrobes I purchased for winter and now for summer are
motivation to stay at this weight. But I promise to try not to lose more.
Love,
Rebecca
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