I have not eaten any
meat or chicken in over twenty years. Strictly speaking, I am not a vegetarian,
since I do occasionally eat fish, which is clearly not a vegetable. People
often ask me why I keep this diet. There are a number of reasons people
commonly give:
1. Health: This is
clearly not my motivation, because I continue to enjoy many foods that are far
less healthy than meat.
2. Animal rights: I
continue to wear leather belts and shoes and carry a leather purse, and I am
not so naïve as to think that the hides of those animals are only available due
to other peoples’ meat consumption. In any case, I do not believe that throwing
red paint on people is acceptable behavior in a civilized society.
3. Environment: It would
be hypocritical to say that I shun meat because I am concerned about the
environment while I sit in my large, well heated/air-conditioned house living a
typical American life of over-consumption.
At the end of the
day, I do not eat meat simply because I am in some vague way happier not eating
it. Perhaps I could say that I am at least mildly concerned about the points
above, and not eating meat is the way I can best express that concern. And as a
friend pointed out years ago, for someone who eats kosher, and thus separates
meat and milk products, the best thing about being a vegetarian is that you can
always eat a dessert made with real butter!
People often make “funny”
remarks about vegetarians, but more often than not they are laughing at vegetarians rather than with them. I think we may have a
reputation as being a bit too serious, as if eating animals is what brings
about a good sense of humor. So when I see something about vegetarians that I
find amusing, I just have to share it.
So here goes! It was
posted on the facebook page of one of our daughters’ friends.
Love,
Rebecca
1. You will get overwhelmed at a vegetarian restaurant because you can order ANYTHING from the menu.
And not just the token vegetarian entree!
2. Someone will be confused about why you can’t just remove the pepperonis from the pepperoni pizza.
FOUR WORDS: PITS OF PEPPERONI GREASE.
4. The server will enthusiastically explain the restaurant’s specials (which include filet mignon and pork chops), and you’ll have to smile politely the whole time.
Lol, not ordering that.
7. You will get paranoid about your roommate using your pans to cook meat.
Omelette residue :(
8. You will develop laser-sharp vision for identifying meat in buffet salads and sandwiches.
Thanks for NOTHING, potato salad with secret bacon.
10. Everyone will tell you about that time they stopped eating meat for “like six months.”
13. You will be secretly ashamed of how much you look forward to French fries.
14. You will have to decline three-quarters of hors d’oeuvres.
And then you’ll get drunk twice as fast as everyone else because you’re not eating.
16. You will develop a really good elevator pitch for “So, why are you a vegetarian?”
17. You will realize that vegetarian sushi is both super tasty and not good at filling you up.
2 p.m.: cucumber roll
4 p.m.: ENTIRE PIZZA
4 p.m.: ENTIRE PIZZA
18. You will become hyper-paranoid about chicken broth.
Is this soup made with chicken broth? Was this rice cooked with chicken broth? Are there chicken broth particles floating through the air???
19. You will leave weddings being totally hungry.
Also, choosing between the steak and chicken options is kind of hilarious, because you’re just going to scarf the mashed potatoes regardless.
20. You will be able to scan ingredient labels for problems in the blink of an eye.
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