Old Long-time friends

#1

A couple of months ago we heard from long-time friends (Barry and I try to avoid the more commonly used “old friends” because neither we nor most of our friends think of ourselves as deserving of that adjective) who were planning a trip to the northeastern United States that included a bit of time in New York. We first met Bev and Julle in Rochester in the mid-1970s: Julle, a native of Finland, was a graduate student in Optics at the University of Rochester and Bev, who had grown up in Upstate New York, was a nurse. Their first daughter was born just a few weeks before Simmie. They remained in Rochester for another ten years or so after we left, becoming parents of an additional three daughters and moving to Israel along the way. I went looking through some old photo albums and confirmed that we had visited them twice there: in the fall of 1988 and in the summer of 1991.

Although we had not seen them in quite a long time, they were among the people with whom we shared the blog and we soon learned that they, too, had experienced a cancer diagnosis and treatment. So when they told us they were coming to the States and planned a stop in New York we were thrilled to see them. They were travelling with their oldest daughter, the one we knew in her early years, and her two young children. Ella was with us, and their 6 year old grandson took quite a liking to her (who wouldn’t?). We had a lovely evening together. I am touched and honored that they took the time out of their busy schedule to come and see us.

#2

Then, over this past weekend, we heard from another long-time friend from the same period of our lives. Their oldest daughter was just a little girl when we first knew them. Barry and Irwin were graduate students in the same department at the University of Rochester. Irwin and Joanne were among the first people we had known who were living a traditional Jewish life, and were a major influence on our own choices. Their family eventually grew to five children, but we knew the eldest, Elana, best from those early years.

Joanne was treated twice for breast cancer in her early forties. Elana, born in 1970, was diagnosed with metastatic disease when the youngest of her four children was only an infant, and died a few years later in 2001 at the age of only 31.  Elana’s oldest child, a son, was married a few years ago and we recently heard that he and his wife welcomed a new daughter into the world and named her Elana. This young couple does not really know us, but I felt compelled to write to them.

My husband Barry and I have known your grandparents for over 40 years. Barry and Irwin were graduate students together at the University of Rochester in the mid-1970s, but more importantly, Joanne and Irwin were an enormous influence on our Jewish growth. We had grown up in relatively non-observant homes and they were among the first traditional Jewish people I had ever known. I cannot even begin to imagine where our lives may have gone if not for their influence.

Your grandmother Elana A"H was a young girl (I do not think she was even five years old) when we first met her. But we can still remember her sitting so quietly with her Abba at the Shabbat student minyan. Her love of Yiddishkeit and her sweetness only grew along with her. 

Although Barry and Irwin eventually finished their degrees and we moved far from each other, somehow we managed to keep in touch - no easy feat in the days of expensive long-distance phone calls and only snail mail. But we danced at Elana's wedding and were thrilled to hear of the births of each of her children.

Somehow throughout all the immense pain and sadness they have experienced, Joanne and Irwin kept their focus on their children and grandchildren, so we were able to be aware of you over all these years. And now, here we are, learning that the name of that bright and beautiful girl is being passed on to a new generation, and simply overcome with the joy and promise this brings to your lives.

We wish you only many many years of good health and happiness, to 120.

Young people today must take it for granted that they will not lose touch with their friends, because they can so easily stay in touch or at least follow each other on FaceBook. Having said that, it never ceases to amaze me how much the earlier friendships continue to carry such significant meaning in our lives, and at least now we can attempt to play a bit of catch-up with the newer technology.

Love,

Rebecca