Defending Your Life

Although we really did miss being with our daughters and their families for the holiday, we did have a nice time at home in Riverdale. The services for the High Holidays are led by Dr. Elli Kranzler, who, in addition to being a child and adolescent psychiatrist, is an accomplished singer/composer who regularly leads prayer services at the Hebrew Institute of Riverdale. The fall holidays are a highlight of the year. This video is from last year’s annual pre-Selichot (special prayers recited prior to Rosh Hashana) concert. Unfortunately, we are no longer able to attend this (among other reasons, it is held very late at night), but it is still terrific to be able to share it from the comfort of my home office.

We were invited to join friends for lunch on both days, so there was an abundance of delicious food and enjoyable conversation. Although I am the only vegetarian in the group, both hosts prepared sumptuous dairy meals which everyone else clearly enjoyed as well.

On the second day, after catching up on everyone’s children and grandchildren (and, in one case, recent marriage), part of the conversation related to the meaning and significance of the holidays. That got me to thinking about the 1991 movie written, directed by, and starring Albert Brooks, “Defending Your Life.” If you have never seen it you really should.

In the movie, Brooks plays Daniel Miller, a young advertising executive whose distracted driving results in a fatal accident. In the afterlife he learns that he must defend his actions on earth in order to ascend to a higher place of existence. While undergoing his “trial” (hence the title), he meets and falls in love with Julia (played by Meryl Streep). Julia is probably about as perfect as a human being can be, and her own “defense” is simply inspiring, with incident after incident of her life full of courageous good deeds. Not surprisingly, the “judges” overwhelmingly deem Julia ready to move on to the next (presumably much better) world, while Daniel is to be sent back for another crack at life on earth. But this is a very upbeat movie, and I don’t think it will spoil too much to say that, in the eleventh hour, Daniel has an opportunity to prove himself worthy and the judges overturn their decision. The movie ends with the two of them riding off into the sunset towards a wonderful next phase of life.

Jewish tradition tells us that during this season we are judged for our deeds over the past year. All those hours of prayer are to focus ourselves on improvement. We repeat many times over Yom Kippur a list of sins we have committed.

אָשַֽׁמְנוּ	We have become guilty
בָּגַֽדְנוּ	We have strayed
גָּזַֽלְנוּ	We have robbed
דִּבַּֽרְנוּ דֹּֽפִי	We have spoken slander
הֶעֱוִֽינוּ	We have caused perversion
וְהִרְשַֽׁעְנוּ	We have caused wickedness
זַֽדְנוּ	We have sinned willfully
חָמַֽסְנוּ	We have extorted
טָפַֽלְנוּ שֶֽׁקֶר	We have accused falsely
יָעַֽצְנוּ רָע	We have given evil counsel
כִּזַּֽבְנוּ	We have been deceitful
לַֽצְנוּ	We have scorned
מָרַֽדְנוּ	We have rebelled
נִאַֽצְנוּ	We have provoked
סָרַֽרְנוּ	We have turned away
עָוִֽינוּ	We have been perverse
פָּשַֽׁעְנוּ	We have acted wantonly
צָרַֽרְנוּ	We have persecuted
קִשִּֽׁינוּ עֹֽרֶף	We have been obstinate
רָשַֽׁעְנוּ	We have been wicked
שִׁחַֽתְנוּ	We have corrupted
תִּעַֽבְנוּ	We have been abominable
תָּעִֽינוּ	We have strayed
תִּעְתָּֽעְנוּ	You have let us go astray

This is not to say that all of us or even any of us have done all of these things, but if we are honest with ourselves, it does not take long to check off a lot of those boxes. It is certainly overwhelming!

A few years ago, Rabbi Binyamin Holtzman, of Kibbutz Ma’ale Gilboa, composed a complementary confession that was adapted by Rabbi Avi Weiss (Hebrew Institute of Riverdale) that we might consider a more positive list of things we have done over the past year and things we hope to continue to do in the coming year:

אָהַבְנוּ, בֵּרַכְנוּ, גָּדַלְנוּ, דִִִּבַּרְנוּ  יֹפִי
We have loved, we have blessed, we have grown, we have spoken positively.

הֶעֱלִינוּ, וְחַסְנוּ, זֵרַזְנוּ
We have raised up, we have shown compassion, we have acted enthusiastically,

חָמַלְנוּ, טִפַּחְנוּ אֱמֶת
We have been empathetic, we have cultivated truth,

יָעַצְנוּ טוֹב, כִּבַּדְנוּ, לָמַדְנוּ, מָחַלְנוּ
We have given good advice, we have respected, we have learned, we have forgiven,

נִחַמְנוּ, סָלַלְנוּ, עוֹרַרְנוּ
We have comforted, we have been creative, we have stirred,

פָּעַלְנוּ, צָדַקְנוּ, קִוִּינוּ לָאָרֶץ
We have been spiritual activists, we have been just, we have longed for Israel,

רִחַמְנוּ, שָקַדְנוּ
We have been merciful, we have given full effort,

תָּמַכְנוּ, תָּרַמְנוּ, תִּקַּנּוּ
We have supported, we have contributed, we have repaired.

I want to give a shout out to Rabbi Noah Cheses of Sharon who reminded us of these wonderful thoughts our own rabbi had penned.

Now I just need a couple of days of rest from all that wonderful food and company!

Love,

Rebecca