Perspective

Sometimes it happens that you read or hear or see something that is shockingly on the mark for how you are feeling at the moment. My dear friend Ellen sent me just such a piece yesterday.

TODAY WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY EVER

AND DON’T TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT

THERE’S SOMETHING GOOD IN EVERY DAY

BECAUSE, WHEN YOU TAKE A CLOSER LOOK,

THIS WORLD IS A PRETTY EVIL PLACE

EVEN IF

SOME GOODNESS DOES SHINE THROUGH ONCE IN A WHILE

SATISFACTION AND HAPPINESS DON’T LAST

AND IT’S NOT TRUE THAT

IT’S ALL IN THE MIND AND HEART

BECAUSE

TRUE HAPPINESS CAN BE ATTAINED

ONLY IF ONE’S SURROUNDINGS ARE GOOD

IT’S NOT TRUE THAT GOOD EXISTS

I’M SURE YOU CAN AGREE THAT

THE REALITY

CREATES

MY ATTITUDE

IT’S ALL BEYOND MY CONTROL

AND YOU’LL NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS HEAR ME SAY THAT

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY

Now reread the passage line by line from bottom to top

Of course we cannot turn everything into daffodils and butterflies, but perhaps trying to see the good things more clearly is not such a bad idea.

Love,

Rebecca 

Lost and (miraculously) found

The sadness of the last few days kept me from writing about something happy that occurred last week. After we took the girls to see “The Nutcracker Suite” in Boston on Sunday the 14^th, my original plan was to stay in Sharon while Barry went back to New York for a few days. On Saturday evening after Sabbath, we ran out to a small nearby toy store to pick up a few additional Chanukah gifts for the children. I had my walker, and had put my purse and my oxygen in it while I went around the store. After Barry paid for the toys and we headed out to the car, I suddenly realized my purse was not sitting in the walker. Barry frantically ran back into the store and looked all around, but it was nowhere to be found. We drove back to our apartment, thinking maybe I had not taken it in the first place. No luck. We returned to the store and it had not been turned in.

We went back to our apartment where Barry got on the phone and had my cell phone disconnected and cancelled all of our credit cards. Instead of my original plan to stay in Sharon, I returned to New York with Barry on Monday morning so that I could go through all my files and get busy reconstructing my life. We spent the following few days shopping to replace items and ordering replacements for the contents of my wallet and purse, including rather expensive orders we were forced to place to change the locks to our house and on our new car. We had done all we could on Thursday so we decided to drive back up to Sharon to salvage what we could of Chanukah with the children. Somewhere in there I even managed to make potato latkes, both plain and spicy sweet potato, and was determined to share them with the family.

At some point after we settled in to our Sharon apartment, I picked up the phone to check voice mail. The first two messages were from a friend who had ultimately reached me in New York. I assumed the third was likely a robo-call since we seldom use that phone. Fortunately I had the good sense not to push the “delete” key too quickly. The caller was an employee of the supermarket that is in the same strip mall as the toy store, and she believed she had found my purse. We were incredulous! Of course I dropped whatever else I was doing and called the supermarket. They were quickly able to confirm that I was the owner of the purse that had been found.

We practically flew over to the store. When they handed me the purse, I immediately started going through it. Here is where the story becomes quite odd: the only thing that was missing was a pair of prescription sunglasses, an old pair that needed to be replaced anyway. All of the money, all of the credit cards, all of the IDs, everything was there.

Here is our theory. While at the toy store, we both noticed a group of teenagers roaming around. It is a small store that stocks toys primarily for babies, toddlers, and elementary school children, and seemingly does not have security cameras. To see teenagers milling around struck us as a bit odd, but we didn’t think much of it until after this happened. Barry wondered if perhaps one of them grabbed my purse on a dare, just to prove that she could. We will never know.

Lesson #1: couples should not both carry all the same credit cards. Since we had always done that, we were left without any credit cards for the few days it took to receive a new one. As the replacements have arrived, we are each taking different ones. Lesson #2: try to keep track of every automatic payment you have linked to a credit card, so that you can enter the new credit card number when you receive it. Moral of the story: we really do depend quite heavily on credit cards!

Whether you are on winter break, have snow or rain, or are celebrating a holiday, just be safe and warm and well!

Love,

Rebecca

A bittersweet game

Due to the wonders of modern technology, we joined a few hundred others yesterday for an on-line simulcast of the funeral service for Cookie, may she rest in peace, in Sharon. Although it was a bit of an odd feeling, and without a doubt we would have preferred to be there in person had we been able, this was a heartwarming use of technology.

Perhaps as a distraction, last night we settled down for our daily “Jeopardy” fix and were completely shocked to see that one of the contestants was Avishai Gebler, a son of Cookie, may she rest in peace, and her husband David. I know the shows are filmed well in advance, and the participants must be sworn to some high level of secrecy, so we had no idea he had been a contestant. How heartbreaking to have this broadcast on the day of his mother’s funeral! Each show is apparently taped about two months before it is aired. I remember a couple of months back I heard that Cookie was going to California and had to admire her for trying to have some fun during such a difficult time. But now I can see why she must have taken that trip, so that she could be there for her son.

Avishai won handsomely last night, but rather than feeling excited for him I was overwhelmed with sorrow. May he cherish the memory of his mother’s love and support.

Love,

Rebecca 

Seven candles

I have written about our Sharon friend Mark, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor about a month after I was in 2012. In the fall of 2013, a third member of our Sharon synagogue community was diagnosed with linitis plastica, a cancer of the stomach. For about a year following the diagnosis, Cookie was treated with the standard chemotherapeutic regimen for this disease, which kept her condition “stable,” meaning that the lesions neither grew nor shrank significantly. The hope was that by the time the tumor might develop resistance to this regimen, something new would have come along. Unfortunately, a few months ago, the lesions began to grow. She was enrolled in a phase I clinical trial of a new drug, but despite the best efforts of an outstanding team at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute, Cookie died last evening, leaving behind her husband, four children (the first of which was recently engaged to be married), sister, and father.

An hour or so before Cookie breathed her last, the seventh day of Chanukah began. Jews traditionally light candles each night corresponding to the day of the holiday, with an additional candle (the “shamash”) used to light the others. I could not help but think last evening that Cookie was playing the role of the “shamash,” doing her best to provide a light for these seven mourners that will undoubtedly continue to shine in their hearts for the rest of their lives.

On hearing of a death, the Jewish tradition is to respond “Baruch Dayan Emet,” “Blessed is the True Judge.” I must admit that I am having a difficult time with this sentiment for a person who should have had so much of life ahead of her. Like decisions reached by the human judicial system, mere mortals must come to accept the heavenly judgments, even though we may not always understand them.

Love,

Rebecca 

Name an item that is fun to lose

We had a most enjoyable weekend in Sharon. Maya came over after morning synagogue services to have lunch and spend the afternoon. She had not yet lost any of her baby teeth but had a very loose upper one right in the front. As the afternoon progressed, she spent more and more time “playing” with it, running off to the bathroom to look in the mirror. Fortunately she did not seem to want Barry or me to pull it for her, since neither of us was much inclined to do so. Just a few minutes before the end of Sabbath, when she had again retreated to the restroom, she came bouncing out saying “I pulled it! I pulled it!” And there it was, that little tooth in her hand. It was not bleeding much, so we had her rinse her mouth and then she started running in circles - practically flying - around our table. It was just the most adorable thing to watch! I managed to snap one quick picture after Sabbath, not a terrific one but she was just glowing. When her father came to retrieve her after Sabbath, we quietly passed along an additional donation for the tooth fairy.

I spent Sunday morning wrapping the children’s’ Chanukah gifts, going through over 5 rolls of wrapping paper. Because the older children are all able to read, I can no longer scribble what is in each box on the package, so I had to number them and then we put together a spreadsheet to organize which gifts go to each child on each night. I think we’re all set now.

On Sunday we had bought tickets for the Boston Ballet performance of The Nutcracker Suite. To the best of my memory, I have never seen a live performance, although I have seen it televised and I am certainly familiar with the music. We took the three girls; Julia is a bit too young and Joshua was quite clear that the one time he saw it, with his family last year, will be his last. Eliana and Maya had never seen it. The girls really enjoyed it, Eliana so much so that she just wanted to know why we could not just stay for the next performance!

Barry had to come back for work and I decided to head back with him for the next few days. So we will be celebrating the first couple of nights of Chanukah here in New York before we head up to Sharon to distribute all those gifts.

Have a wonderful week, and for those who are celebrating, a Happy Chanukah!

Love,

Rebecca 

Magic

I was thumbing through some of the many catalogues we receive this time of year when my eyes caught what looked like a terrific baby item, the Mozart Magic Cube. I ordered it and set it aside to give it to Julia for Chanukah. Of course she is just a baby and it does not much matter when we give her things, but the older children will enjoy “helping” her open her gifts while they open their own.

But when we arrived at their house on Sunday, sitting on the floor just inches from where Julia was playing was a Mozart Magic Cube! At first I was confused. Did Barry forget we were planning to save it for Chanukah and instead brought it over to Julia on one of his errands earlier in the day? No. It turned out that Dina and Aaron had just purchased a Mozart Magic Cube because - and here is where the story becomes rather amazing - we had bought this for Joshua when he was a baby and he, and later Ella, loved it! Like so many of the toys Joshua and Ella had as infants and toddlers, it had long ago moved on to other families, too many to be tracked. But they remembered how much Joshua and Ella loved it and went ahead and purchased a new one on their own. I, on the other hand, have no recollection whatsoever of the two older children with this toy. I truly thought I had discovered a neat new baby toy and was quite proud of myself.

So now we have an extra one, and either I can send it back or wait until the next one of their friends has a first child and they give it as a gift. The moral of the story is that even when great minds think alike, that is no guarantee that both of them will remember what they thought.

Often when I write about things like this, friends who have also passed that milestone birthday will write and tell me similar stories of their own memory lapses. I know they are just trying to feel connected, but believe me, it is really not the same thing. However, I had shown Barry the Mozart Magic Cube in the catalogue before I ordered it and he agreed that it looked like a great toy. Never did he say “didn’t we buy that for Joshua?” because, like me, he did not remember. So if I can just keep myself from getting much worse over the next few years, friends who are around my age will catch up with me, and we will all be sitting here with our little devices, which of course we will barely know how to use, having to look up EVERYTHING!

We had a very nice Shabbat. The fourth through sixth grade students at Striar Hebrew Academy, where our grandchildren attend school, were having a group Shabbat dinner that the children had prepared (with the help and guidance of teachers, of course) and the parents and grandparents were invited to join for an after-dinner program of music and sketches. We do not usually like going out in the cold on Friday evenings but this was very much worth the effort, not only as Joshua’s grandparents but as the parents of Mrs. Saks (aka our daughter Dina), who spearheaded the event as part of her professional role as Curriculum and Instruction Coordinator for the school. Seeing her standing up front, Julia in tow, I was reminded of the final verse to a Carole King song from her 1972 album, Rhymes and Reasons,

Missing you the way I do
You know I'd like to see more of you
But it's all I can do to be a mother
(My baby's in one hand, I've a pen in the other)

You know my love is always there for the taking

Eliana joined us for lunch on Shabbat and stayed through the afternoon. We have accumulated a fairly large collection of Lego kits. We have been buying plastic bins onto which I have affixed labels, keeping the Lego tiles and instruction manuals in each bin. Eliana was able to select the one she wanted, we took it apart, and she is now working to build it again. And then there is the table tennis. We bought a collapsible tennis table to keep there as well. It is a bit smaller than a standard table, but it is still great fun. Eliana had never played but we were able to get her to a point where she could fairly reliably hit the ball, even if not often where it needed to go. The afternoon went by very quickly.

On Sunday we had bought three tickets for the Celtics vs. the Washington Wizards at TD Garden in Boston. I have gone to a number of sporting events with Joshua, and I have to say this one was particularly enjoyable. Perhaps it is because I am learning more about the sport, but likely it was because for once we also had a chance to see the home team win what turned out to be a very exciting game! By the second quarter the Celtics had pulled out over 20 points ahead, but somehow by the fourth quarter they lost that lead, leaving the game quite close until the last couple of minutes, and the Celtics won!

It has been raining quite heavily here, but here is a bit I read on the website of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA):

How many inches of snow equals one inch of rain?

On average, thirteen inches of snow equals one inch of rain in the US, although this ratio can vary from two inches for sleet to nearly fifty inches for very dry, powdery snow under certain conditions.

It seems funny that this government agency uses the acronym “NOAA,” pronounced like the name “Noah,” a fellow who knew quite a bit about floods!

The bottom line is that I am far happier with this rain than I would be with that much snow! It has to happen sooner or later, but later is just fine for me.

Stay warm and dry!

Love,

Rebecca 

Search Results

Dylan

For many years, my feelings about Bob Dylan could best be summarized as “love the music, cannot stand the performer.” But perhaps both Mr. Dylan and I have moved toward someplace in the center. He is still a stiff and aloof performer, still has a rather grating voice, still garbles most of the lyrics. After 73 years of what appears to be fairly intense living, it is nothing short of miraculous that he is still the travelling troubadour. From my place in the audience, after all of these years I can finally more deeply appreciate his genius. I may not love all the directions his musical path has taken, but I am in awe of how he continues to reinvent himself, writing vast amounts of new material as well as reworking some old standards like “Blowin’ in the Wind.” While only one or two of the songs he performed last night were familiar, they were all very much Bob Dylan, and I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed them.

We had purchased accessible tickets just moments after sales began in the first row just slightly left of center, so we were able to see him quite clearly. One thing I found somewhat surprising was that he never picked up a guitar. He primarily sang, played his harmonica and occasionally sat at and played the piano, but no guitar. I wondered if he is no longer able to play.

Dylan opened his run at The Beacon Theater last week, but I only just now read Jon Pareles’ review in the New York Times. We definitely saw the same show! Pareles wrote:

Mr. Dylan has replaced the fluidity and arrogance of youth with a more genuine, lived-in sense that he has nothing to lose and no one but himself to please. 

http://nyti.ms/1rGzQUh

Be well, all.

Love,

Rebecca