Things best not pondered too much

Somehow I have been losing track of writing about movies. We saw two in the past few weeks.

“Sully” is one of those movies I might have been best not seeing. From my perspective, about the last thing in the world I want to think about is an event like this one. What happens to someone on full-time supplemental oxygen when a plane goes down in the Hudson River? There seem to have been one or two folks on that flight who needed significant help during the evacuation. But when I fly, not only do I need help getting around but I have to schlepp along a rather heavy portable oxygen concentrator, and I am just not sure what would have happened to that. I imagine I would have been forced to ditch it. That would have left me with rather little resource to move around, jump down the slide, and wait for the rescue in the cold with the water just at the edge of the wing of the airplane.

That is not to say that I have actually shunned flying. I have flown with supplemental oxygen many times and hope to continue to do so. I just choose not to spend too much time thinking about the potential risks, which probably makes me no different than anyone else who boards an airplane or even an automobile.

But if you can get past seeing a plane disabled in mid-air as something that might happen to you, and watch it more as an amazing event that happened to one hundred and fifty-five other people, many of whom truly rose to the occasion and helped ensure that all of them survived, it was really a very good film. The film presented a sort of back-story that suggested that Captain Chesley Sullenberger had not quite dotted the i’s and crossed the t’s when he made the decision to land the plane in the river. But from what I have been able to read, although such concerns may have been expressed, they were never substantiated; to the contrary, it seems fairly clear that he in fact saved all those lives. Whew.

“Little Men” is a very touching film about two young boys from very different backgrounds who form a close friendship. Jake has grown up in Manhattan with his mother, a psychotherapist, and his father, an actor for whom roles no longer seem to be coming. The downturn in fortune as well as the death of Jakes grandfather forces them to move from their nice Manhattan apartment to a smaller two-family home in Brooklyn; the other half is rented to a woman who lives with her son, Tony, and runs a dress shop. Despite their rather different backgrounds, Tony and Jake become good friends.

What starts out as a reasonably amicable relationship begins to sour as Jake’s parents try to increase the rent on the apartment. While it is never completely clear it seems that Tony’s mother was involved in a long-term affair with Jake’s grandfather. Whatever the case, all of this is a strain on the relationship between Tony and Jake. A.O. Scott wrote

There is also a protest against the banal imperatives of maturity, and above all against the ways that adults ignore and discount the emotional lives of the young. Kathy, Brian and Leonor would do anything for their sons except take their relationship seriously, and the possibility that something as precious and real as friendship could be sacrificed because of money registers as a profound insult.

All and all it is a very touching story and a nicely done film.

Welcome, autumn!

Love,

Rebecca

A nice way to start the week

As a nice start to your week, here are some fun pictures.

On a recent visit to the 79^th Street Boat Basin Café (trying to squeeze in just one more ounce of summer) we noticed that many of the benches in Riverside Park had plaques indicating that the bench had been donated in honor or memory of someone. When we got home we looked into this and found that dedications are placed for donations of $3,500. That got us to thinking, are there benches for grabs at the New York Botanical Gardens? Well, there are, but they cost from $15,000 to $25,000! Here are two we found next to each other, with a close-up of each so you can see who these fellow garden lovers are. I imagine for them these amounts are just small change.

We took a little time to visit the New York Botanical Gardens last week. Although it is only September, they appear to be in serious Halloween mode. Here are a few items from their whimsical exhibit.

I had some fun time with Julia yesterday while Joshua and Barry went to a Patriots Game and Ella was out picking apples with a group from the synagogue. Julia is not even 2½ but is already a big help in the kitchen. With her infectious smile and her adorable chattiness she is joyful company for an afternoon!

Have a great week.

Love,

Rebecca

To your health

I have tried very hard to stay away from any discussion of the current presidential election. While I am sure my preference is clear to most everyone who knows me, I also know that I have friends whose intentions are every bit as honorable as mine but may see the world somewhat differently.

But this is not about who we are going to elect as the next leader of our country. The news reports over the last two days have been dominated by an incident that occurred at the 9/11 Memorial on Sunday. Standing in the hot sun in lower Manhattan, Hillary Clinton nearly fainted. As it turned out, she had just days earlier been diagnosed with and was under treatment for pneumonia. Rather than do the sensible and intelligent thing one might expect of an extremely bright woman and take off a couple of days, she seemed to feel compelled to take on the “macho” role and pretend she could simply push through her illness.

You can probably hear from my tone that I am rather peeved about this. Because, to be honest, I played that game myself a few years ago, and not a day goes by that I do not ponder the alternative outcomes that might have been had I paid attention to the clear signals rather than pretended to ignore them. Perhaps the damage to my cognitive function would have been less, and I would have been able to make a fuller return to my previous life.

My pulmonologist had been begging me to slow down for a few years before the cancer diagnosis. What if the CNS lymphoma had never occurred? At what point was I going to completely run my pulmonary function into the ground? The catastrophic infection she continues to fear may well have already occurred, and at the very least your Inbox would be a bit less full.

So my message to Hillary and Donald is this: the human body is not a limitless machine that continues to run at your will. Pay attention. You both have the highest possible ambitions, but you have to be alive and healthy to realize them. I do not hear anything telling me that either of you is unable to physically take on the responsibilities of POTUS, but I also do not hear anything telling me that either of you is a superhuman being. Use the brains that have gotten you this far to keep you on track. The cost of a few days off the campaign trail is minor compared to many of the alternatives.

Love,

Rebecca

Old Long-time friends

#1

A couple of months ago we heard from long-time friends (Barry and I try to avoid the more commonly used “old friends” because neither we nor most of our friends think of ourselves as deserving of that adjective) who were planning a trip to the northeastern United States that included a bit of time in New York. We first met Bev and Julle in Rochester in the mid-1970s: Julle, a native of Finland, was a graduate student in Optics at the University of Rochester and Bev, who had grown up in Upstate New York, was a nurse. Their first daughter was born just a few weeks before Simmie. They remained in Rochester for another ten years or so after we left, becoming parents of an additional three daughters and moving to Israel along the way. I went looking through some old photo albums and confirmed that we had visited them twice there: in the fall of 1988 and in the summer of 1991.

Although we had not seen them in quite a long time, they were among the people with whom we shared the blog and we soon learned that they, too, had experienced a cancer diagnosis and treatment. So when they told us they were coming to the States and planned a stop in New York we were thrilled to see them. They were travelling with their oldest daughter, the one we knew in her early years, and her two young children. Ella was with us, and their 6 year old grandson took quite a liking to her (who wouldn’t?). We had a lovely evening together. I am touched and honored that they took the time out of their busy schedule to come and see us.

#2

Then, over this past weekend, we heard from another long-time friend from the same period of our lives. Their oldest daughter was just a little girl when we first knew them. Barry and Irwin were graduate students in the same department at the University of Rochester. Irwin and Joanne were among the first people we had known who were living a traditional Jewish life, and were a major influence on our own choices. Their family eventually grew to five children, but we knew the eldest, Elana, best from those early years.

Joanne was treated twice for breast cancer in her early forties. Elana, born in 1970, was diagnosed with metastatic disease when the youngest of her four children was only an infant, and died a few years later in 2001 at the age of only 31.  Elana’s oldest child, a son, was married a few years ago and we recently heard that he and his wife welcomed a new daughter into the world and named her Elana. This young couple does not really know us, but I felt compelled to write to them.

My husband Barry and I have known your grandparents for over 40 years. Barry and Irwin were graduate students together at the University of Rochester in the mid-1970s, but more importantly, Joanne and Irwin were an enormous influence on our Jewish growth. We had grown up in relatively non-observant homes and they were among the first traditional Jewish people I had ever known. I cannot even begin to imagine where our lives may have gone if not for their influence.

Your grandmother Elana A"H was a young girl (I do not think she was even five years old) when we first met her. But we can still remember her sitting so quietly with her Abba at the Shabbat student minyan. Her love of Yiddishkeit and her sweetness only grew along with her. 

Although Barry and Irwin eventually finished their degrees and we moved far from each other, somehow we managed to keep in touch - no easy feat in the days of expensive long-distance phone calls and only snail mail. But we danced at Elana's wedding and were thrilled to hear of the births of each of her children.

Somehow throughout all the immense pain and sadness they have experienced, Joanne and Irwin kept their focus on their children and grandchildren, so we were able to be aware of you over all these years. And now, here we are, learning that the name of that bright and beautiful girl is being passed on to a new generation, and simply overcome with the joy and promise this brings to your lives.

We wish you only many many years of good health and happiness, to 120.

Young people today must take it for granted that they will not lose touch with their friends, because they can so easily stay in touch or at least follow each other on FaceBook. Having said that, it never ceases to amaze me how much the earlier friendships continue to carry such significant meaning in our lives, and at least now we can attempt to play a bit of catch-up with the newer technology.

Love,

Rebecca

The second of two wonderful weeks

After a lovely Shabbat in Sharon with our family, we turned around and headed back to New York with Ella, stopping in Mystic just two days after our day there with Maya.

On Monday we went to the Museum of Natural History. We basically saw all the main exhibits we have seen with the other children.

Each of the children is unique. One way in which Ella differs from the others is that she enjoys eating out. The others are happy to have a lunch packed at home and eaten at a museum or in a park, or to pick up pizza to share outside on a nice day, but they do not seem to have much patience for the formality of dining at a restaurant. Further, Ella and I are 100% on the same page with food: other than an occasional hot dog (seems odd, but maybe hot dogs are not really food anyway) she is also a vegetarian.  So our first meal out was an early dinner at Noi Due, the dairy Italian restaurant that is one of our favorites. Last year we dined there after a far too busy day, so this year we made it a point to be sure we left plenty of relaxed time and she thoroughly enjoyed it.

We spent Tuesday at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We discovered that the special exhibit we had enjoyed with Maya was far more extensive and accessible than we had realized when we were there with her. In fact, we got there just in time to see it with Ella:

The Met announced that “Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology” notched in as its seventh most visited show of all time after closing over Labor Day weekend. More than three quarters of a million visitors—752,995 to be exact—turned out to see the Andrew Bolton-curated Costume Institute show dedicated to the use of technology in high fashion.

We ended up staying for quite a while and got to things that Barry and I had not seen in years, including the “Temple of Dendur.” Ella looks so grown up in this picture!

We also enjoyed the Tiffany stain glass windows.

Barry taught his class early on Wednesday and I had my monthly injection scheduled for late morning, so Ella and I took a car service into the City and met up with him at Mount Sinai. We had lunch at the Great American Health Bar and then Ella and I went to see “Fiddler on the Roof.” I probably know almost every word of every song of that musical and it is always a heartwarming experience. It was a great joy to share that with Ella.

On Thursday we went to the Museum of Modern Art.

  

We headed back to Riverdale and had dinner at Corner Café, another of Ella’s favorite places where she especially enjoys the blintzes and the baked ziti.

On Friday we went to the Bronx Zoo. 

We had a lovely Shabbat, spending much of the afternoon with a new Lego kit we had bought for Ella to build, the Heartlake Shopping Mall.

First thing Sunday morning, Barry and Ella caught the train from New Rochelle to Route 128 (south of Boston). Once she was back with her family, Barry returned to New York. We had thought about going to the Mets game that evening but it is just as well we did not plan on it because we were both just too exhausted!

We just hope we will continue to have the energy to spend this time with our grandchildren. It is hard to know how this will look with Julia and Gd willing her little brother. But for now, every year that we can manage to do this is simply priceless for us.

Love,

Rebecca

The first of two wonderful weeks

Included in the list of things I have learned in my 65^th year is that spending two straight weeks with grandchildren is exhausting! So it has taken me a few days to rest, recover, go through the hundreds of pictures, and sit down to write. Maya came to visit first, so I will begin with her.

We had a somewhat different start with Maya than we usually do with the each child. Our original plan for her week included seeing a Wednesday matinee of “The King and I” on Broadway. But a few weeks before she was to visit we received notice that the play was closing. This was quite a disappointment because I really thought she would love the story and all the adorable children. Instead, we were able to buy tickets to the Sunday matinee of another show, “Finding Neverland.” We had first row seats and we enjoyed the show. Before the performance started, someone sitting in front of us asked me to take a couple of pictures and then offered to take some of us, which came out much better than the “selfies” I had taken.

With the long drive and the Broadway show, Sunday turned into an exhausting day, so we decided to spend some down time on Monday. We made our trip to the grocery store, as we do with each of the children, to stock up on the things Maya likes. It was a beautiful day so we walked to the store, and Maya hitched a ride on my scooter.

On Tuesday we went to the Bronx Zoo. We had a wonderful time seeing the real animals and Maya added quite a bit to her collection of stuffed animals.

We spent Wednesday at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Maya listened intently to the audio explanations, not limiting herself to those intended for children. The wonderful thing about these annual visits is watching each of the children grow in their appreciation: rather than moaning “we saw that last year,” they are anxious to go and see the works again and again. Barry and I are already talking about our choices for museums for next summer.

On Thursday we went to the Museum of Natural History. The planetarium was a bit hit, as was the exhibit called “Dinosaurs Among Us,” which traces a connection between dinosaurs and birds.

On Friday morning we packed up and headed back to Sharon, stopping at Mystic along the way. Maya had been influenced by Ella’s selection of a Beluga whale last year and chose one of her own.

We had a quiet dinner ourselves on Friday night and spent Shabbat lunch with Dina and family who returned from camp while we were in New York with Maya. They had a terrific time and everyone grew so much in just four weeks! Physically, Joshua and Ella are taller, Julia is bigger and talking more every day, and Dina is four weeks further along. All five children seem so much older – they each had a healthy and active summer and are now back in school. Where did that time fly?

Next post, our week with Ella.

Love,

Rebecca

Trying to help when we can

I am frequently reminded of the good fortune Barry and I have had during these past years. While I have never sat down and compiled all the bills between my pulmonary disease and cancer treatment, it is safe to say that that there are a lot of numbers to the left of the decimal. Fortunately, we have had very good health insurance and been able to handle whatever pieces have fallen through the cracks. But the same cannot be said for so many people who struggle with chronic or acute illness, even those who themselves deliver the care those patients so urgently need.

One of Barry’s responsibilities in the Department of Radiation Oncology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine is to teach a course in clinical radiation biology to residents in radiation oncology. He has been teaching such courses for over 30 years, and although most individual residency programs in radiation oncology are relatively small, he is now teaching a total of about 40 students including groups from almost all of the programs in the New York City area who spend three years attending the course in preparation for their board certification examinations.

About two years ago one bright young resident suddenly found herself on the other side of the doctor-patient relationship. She has gone through grueling treatment and has recently been able to resume her medical training. But friends became aware of her financial struggles, and a young woman who works in Barry’s laboratory took on the task of starting a “Go Fund Me” page. Here is the note she posted.

Hi!  My name is Hindy.

Ava and I met earlier this year.  We worked in the same lab, and developed a friendship over scientific conversations and chocolate.

Ava was diagnosed with a Stage IV blood cancer in 2014.  She was finishing up her oncology residency at the time of her diagnosis. She went into work as usual, and within the course of a few hours, she was admitted as a patient in the oncology ward. Ava spent the next year in and out of the hospital. During this time, she received a stem cell transplant at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.

Ava's graduation from her residency program would have been June of this year but she has been unable to complete her training and fulfill her dream of becoming an oncologist.

Medical related expenses have been steep, especially without steady income.  

She's particularly grateful to be celebrating her birthday tomorrow.  Can you help her celebrate what we hope are many healthy years ahead in the form of a small donation to ease the burden of her expenses?

$5 -- or any amount -- will be appreciated.  Your well-wishes, of course, are priceless :)

Thanks!

Here is the link to the page.

https://www.gofundme.com/2k8pmqc

I have so much to write about – we had a fabulous week with Maya and Ella will be coming back to New York with us tomorrow. I have started compiling pictures and will try to write very soon.

Love,

Rebecca