Day 37 (100%)

I was never able to find a song with the number 37. But even if I had, I think I would have opted for this 1974 Dan Fogelberg classic for this final day. Dan died of prostate cancer a few months after his 56^th birthday in 2007, and the songs says so much of what I am feeling today.

Part of the Plan (Dan Fogelberg)

I have these moments all steady and strong
I'm feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know I'm all worried and weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble

The meanings get lost and the teachings get tossed
And you don't know what you're going to do next
You wait for the sun but it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message comes through

And it says to you

Love when you can, cry when you have to
Be who you must, that's a part of the plan
Await your arrival with simple survival
One day we'll all understand

I had a woman who gave me her soul
But I wasn't ready to take it
Her heart was so fragile and heavy to hold
And I was afraid I might break it

Your conscience awakes and you see your mistakes
And you wish someone would buy your confessions
The days miss their mark and the night gets so dark
And some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message shoots through

And it says to you

Love when you can, cry when you have to
Be who you must, that's a part of the plan
Await your arrival with simple survival
And one day we'll all understand

There is no Eden or heavenly gates
That you're gonna make it to one day
But all of the answers you seek can be found
In the dreams that you dream on the way

On this final day, I am wearing the other t-shirt given to me by our sister-in-law Jody, with a most appropriate message for this moment.

So, finally, time to try to move on. I am hopeful that some of the side effects of the treatment will start to abate and I will be able to sleep better and regain some energy. No one can say just how long that might take, but the fact that I have three months before my first follow-up visit suggests it may be a while. I will try to be patient, and I know I will appreciate not having to get up and out of the house early every morning.

For those who are observing Sukkot, enjoy the holiday!

Love,

Rebecca

Day 36 (97.3%)

The only song I could find with the number 36 is literally a song called “# 36” written and recorded by the Dave Matthews Band. Here is something I found about the song:

"#36" is a song dedicated to the memory of South
African anti-apartheid leader Chris Hani who was killed in his efforts to
free South Africa.

#36 (Dave Matthews Band)

Our daughter Simmie is a huge Dave Matthews fan, and one of the many t-shirts she lent me to wear during treatment is the one I saved for today. So Sim, this one’s for you!

We went over to MSKCC this morning for my regular “Tuesday” routine, blood work followed by the gemcitabine infusion followed by the daily radiation therapy. But my hemoglobin, which has been inching downward over the past couple of weeks, was low enough that Dr. Iyer decided we could forego this last dose of gemcitabine, something he had anticipated and we had discussed last Friday. Fortunately, they were able to take me for the radiation therapy somewhat earlier than originally scheduled, so all in all the day went well.

After the radiation treatment, I met with Dr. Kollmeier and scheduled my first follow-up visit in early January. It is hard to think that far ahead!

Love,

Rebecca

Day 35 (94.6%)

We awoke this morning to the horrific news of a mass shooting carried out by a 64-year-old man in Las Vegas. The initial estimates of 20 dead have swelled to over 50, with at least 100 others wounded. The motivation for this heinous act is still unknown, but what does it matter? What possible excuse could there be? There are simply no words.

The only song I could find with the number 35 was a 2015 country-western song written and sung by Toby Keith, “35 MPH Town,” which tells the story of a once safe and happy small town that seems to have gone astray:

The “yes mam’s gone and the “please’s too,

It’s out the door with the “thank you” in the evening

You don’t see a front yard football game

The neighbor kids have done away with the shirt and skins

No one hits the front porch lights

To get the kids to come inside

'Cause the streets ain’t safe for a bike to ride down

Since they planted a prowler

In this thirty five mile an hour town

No they’re going nowhere fast tonight no matter

How fast they drive this thirty five mile an hour town

35 MPH Town (Toby Keith)

Today I am wearing one of two shirts sent to me recently by our sister-in-law Jody, who is married to Barry’s brother Rich. Jody is one of the most creative gift givers I know. I plan to wear the second shirt on the final day of treatment, so stay tuned for that one.

Love,

Rebecca

Day 34 (91.9%)

Now we are truly in the home stretch – we’ve finally made it to fewer than 10% of treatments remaining!

Today’s song, “34 Blues,” was written and recorded by Charlie Patton (born sometime around 1891) just months before his death in January, 1934. I have to admit I am not sure to what the number 34 refers. But there it is!

I ain't gonna tell nobody, '34 have done for me

I ain't gonna tell nobody what, '34 have done for me

Took my roller, I was broke as I could be

They run me from Will Dockery's, Willie Brown, I want your job

They run me from Will Dockery's, Willie Brown, I want your job

(spoken: Buddy, what's the matter?)

I went out and told papa Charley,

"I don't want you hangin' round on my job no more"

Fella, down in the country, it almost make you cry

Fella, down in the country, it almost make you cry

(spoken: My God, children!)

Women and children flaggin' freight trains for rides

Carmen got a little six Buick, big six Chevrolet car

Carmen got a little six Buick, little six Chevrolet car

(spoken: My God, what solid power!)

And it don't do nothin' but, follow behind Holloway's farmer's plow

And it may bring sorrow, Lord, it may bring tears

It may bring sorrow, Lord, and it may bring tears

Oh, Lord, oh, Lord, let me see your brand new year

34 Blues (Charlie Patton)

Today I am wearing the last of my sports team t-shirts, this one a free handout at a Mets game on Mother’s Day a few years ago. It is a bit cool out today so I put a long-sleeved shirt under the t-shirt.

For those of you who are observing Yom Kippur, have a meaningful fast and a gmar tov.

Love,

Rebecca

Day 33 (89.2%)

I woke up early and the first thing that caught my eye in my inbox was a video from Dina – a video of little Noah, just two weeks shy of his first birthday, taking his first steps! What a thrill! Hopefully we will be able to go up to Sharon and chase around after him very soon.

Today’s song is from the group Smashing Pumpkins. To be honest, I have no idea why it is called “Thirty-Three.” The best I could find was that composer Billy Corgan joked on an August 24, 2000 taping of VH1Storytellers that he planned on making "Thirty-Three", "Sixty-Six", and "Ninety-Nine", but only finished "Thirty-Three."

Thirty-three (Smashing Pumpkins)

Today I am wearing another t-shirt from Striar Hebrew Academy in Sharon, this one with the school mascot (a lion).

I am feeling ready to move on….so I am going to get a much-needed haircut today!

Love,

Rebecca

Day 32 (86.5%)

Something I’ve been noticing lately is how many other song ideas have come to mind over the past few weeks. For example, back on Day 9 I used “Nine to Five.”  How did I have forgotten The Searchers 1963 hit, “Love Potion Number 9?” For Day 8 I could have used Herman’s Hermits 1965 “I’m Henry VIII, I Am,” which was a revival of a 1910 British music hall song.

Like so many days, today, #32, was slim pickings. I have to admit that today’s song is pretty sappy, but it was the best I could find. Here is the chorus of Jeremy Passion’s “32,” a tribute to his mother whom he says “only looks like 32”:

I just wanna tell you

While we’re here together,

Thank you for raising me.

When friendships have faded

And life gets complicated,

Still got my family.

Oh, Momma, thank you for loving me.

32 (Jeremy Passion)

Meanwhile, another sports team t-shirt from Joshua today, the Baltimore Orioles.

This morning the therapist who set me up started talking to me about life after the radiation therapy is finished, about the recovery time from the side effects of the treatment. It was a bit disconcerting for him to talk about the fact that the symptoms may take weeks to fully subside, but the good news of this conversation is that I guess it means we really are in the home stretch!

Love,

Rebecca

Day 31 (83.8%)

On August 6, 2011, thirty-one United States troops lost their lives in Afghanistan. In their memory, this song was composed and video posted on YouTube in July of 2012.

Thirty-one (Bryan Harrelson & Rebecca Talbert)

Today I am wearing a Boston Celtics (basketball) t-shirt.

 

I am feeling quite helpless listening to the news from Puerto Rico. As I try to think about what I would do in the face of such disaster, I am increasingly frightened by the realization that I would almost assuredly not survive for long. It is only a shame that rather than focus on this true humanitarian crisis, our government leadership seems only able to talk about appropriate behavior during the singing of the national anthem at sporting events. While this may be an important issue, there is just no question in my mind that its importance at this particular moment pales next to what is happening on many of the Caribbean islands. Perhaps if our leaders would focus on channeling the energy of all Americans to contribute to the recovery efforts in the various communities in the southern United States and in the Caribbean Sea, we would all feel significantly more patriotic and proudly sing our national anthem.

Stay safe.

Love,

Rebecca