A belated farewell to a colleague and friend

Sometimes when I send out the e-mail messages to share a new post on my blog, I receive a “response” to each one saying

Delivery Status Notification (Delay)

Delivery incomplete

There was a temporary problem delivering your message to xxxxx@yyyyy.zzz. Gmail will retry for 47 more hours. You'll be notified if the delivery fails permanently.

Since I send out more than 125 such messages each time I post, I set up an automatic rule that files these delivery status notices in a separate folder, bypassing the inbox.

For some reason, the other day I was looking through that folder and noticed a message that said

Delivery Status Notification (Failure)

Message not delivered

There was a problem delivering your message to j92554@aol.com. See the technical details below

And another that said

Delivery Status Notification (Failure)

Address not found

Your message wasn't delivered to j92554@aol.com because the address couldn't be found. Check for typos or unnecessary spaces and try again.

That address was the personal e-mail account of an old Pfizer colleague. I tried sending an e-mail to his old Pfizer e-mail address and that, too, bounced back. So I called the phone numbers I had for him. The Pfizer phone number was no longer connected, but I had a personal cell phone and I left a message there, including my home (Riverdale) phone number.

When we returned from Sharon there was a voice mail on our home phone from Joe’s wife Teresa. I had never met her but Joe had spoken of her and their two children often. He had also told me many stories of growing up in an Italian family in Boro Park, Brooklyn, where he worked during his younger years in a local hardware store frequented by traditional Jewish families and hence knew a good deal about the Jewish calendar and traditions.

I called Theresa and she told me that Joe had passed away during a trip to the Caribbean. I found the following on a memorial page, and especially appreciated the last line:

Joe was a director of Information Strategy and Analytics, Clinical Informatics and Innovation at Pfizer where his career spanned 30 plus years. During the course of his career he provided support, guidance and jokes to his colleagues.

I am still in touch with a number of Pfizer colleagues but no one had told me about this. Maybe they just did not know that I had remained friendly with Joe. His son was diagnosed with and treated for Mesenchymal Chondro Sarcoma of the talus (bone cancer) in 2014 and this was an additional connection for us. 

I can hardly imagine just how much his family misses him. I am honored to have known him as a colleague and a friend.

Love,

Rebecca

An amazing day

We had an amazing Shabbat with the celebration of our grandson, Joshua, becoming a Bar Mitzvah. This term means “son of the commandment” and recognizes the fact that at the age of 13 a young man becomes obligated in the observance of Jewish laws.

Joshua read from the Torah (five books of Moses) and also a portion from the Haftarah, a corresponding selection from the books of Nevi'im ("Prophets") of the Hebrew Bible. He also gave a speech that is called a D’Var Torah (words of Torah).

After the formal services, light refreshments were served and the invited guests returned to the sanctuary to hear other family members speak about Joshua, followed by a lovely lunch. Here is the speech I wrote and shared. Hebrew terms are defined at the end.

Joshua, the words I am sharing with you today are actually the second speech I prepared for this morning. The first, written over a month ago, was focused on the shalshelet¹. I had learned Torah trope² many years ago and routinely leined³ at the Women’s Tefillah⁴ in Riverdale as well as on Simchat Torah⁵ here in Sharon.

When you told me a few weeks ago that you were working with Rabbi Cheses on your d’var torah, I naturally asked about the topic and learned that you were planning to speak about the shalshelet! From this we can only conclude that great minds do think alike! Fortunately, you are a many-faceted person, so it was not at all difficult to prepare a different set of thoughts.

The celebration of a young man becoming a Bar Mitzvah usually focuses on what he has learned from his parents and grandparents and teachers in his 13 years. But today, Joshua, rather than focus on what you have learned from all of us, I would like to focus on what I have learned from you.

From a very young age, Joshua, you were 100% “boy,” fascinated by anything that had wheels: trains, cars, and trucks. Having raised two daughters, this was an entirely new experience for your Sabba and me. We both remember quite vividly taking you to the Boston Children’s Museum when you were only about a year old during the visit you and your mother made to meet your newborn cousin Eliana. The highlight of the day was not anything in the museum but what happened on the parking lot as we were leaving: a very large truck had pulled up, and you were mesmerized watching as the driver maneuvered it to turn around. He noticed you sitting there in your stroller watching in wide-eyed fascination, and he leaned out his window and waved to you. We could never have imagined such a magical connection between people based on a truck.

Joshua, you have taught me to appreciate a sometimes off-beat sense of humor. Whether it is silly riddles or knock-knock jokes, you have honed your skills at being able to make people laugh. While the world is, for sure, filled with many serious things, or maybe because the world is filled with so many serious things, the ability to help people see humor in everyday life is a real treasure. Similarly, you have helped me appreciate that board games do not always have to be intensely competitive: they can just be fun!

Everyone who knows you, Joshua, knows you are a big sports fan. But I grew up with a distinct aversion to sports, particularly those boys of summer. My mother, may she rest in peace, a native of St. Louis, was an avid Cardinals fan, and spent many a summer evening glued to the radio animatedly listening to the games. I learned from a young age never to invite friends over when the Cardinals were playing. Although your Sabba is a life-long Mets fan, he and I never went to a baseball game together; I think he knew better than to even suggest such an outing.

And then you came along, and changed my world in so many wonderful ways. While I am still not, by anyone’s measure, an avid baseball fan, and still can barely keep track of the names of the players, there is hardly an afternoon more fun than one spent at a ballpark with you. Your enthusiasm is simply infectious.

Joshua, we have had a golden opportunity today to see that your talents and passions are not limited to trucks, or jokes, or sports. While you will surely continue to hold all of these dear, we look forward to watching you grow and bring your energy and enthusiasm to all the many wonderful opportunities your life will have to offer. We love you Joshua!

Included in Joshua’s speech were the following words:

Nana and Sabba - I’d like to thank you for long games of Rummikub and hours of sorting thousands of baseball cards on Shabbat afternoon.  I’m so fortunate to have someone who understands my passion for sports trivia and is always willing to text with me about the most recent game.  I love getting to go to Citi Field with you guys (even when the outcome isn’t always so good for the Mets) and I especially loved our private tour.  Nana, thank you so much for lending me your yad⁶ today to use while I read from the Torah.

Glossary:

¹ Shalshelet is one of the “notes” used in chanting from the Torah

² Torah trope is the term used to refer to the cantillations used

³ “Lein” is the word used to refer to reading from the Torah

⁴ “Tefillah” is the Hebrew word for prayer

⁵ “Simchat Torah” is the last of the fall holidays, commemorating the receipt of the Torah at Mount Sinai

⁶ “Yad” is the Hebrew word for hand. Here it refers to the pointer used to follow the text when reading from the Torah scroll

Because the entire celebration took place on the Jewish Sabbath, and we do not use electronic devices on the Sabbath, I do not have pictures to share. But I do have a picture on this blog with the family dressed in the clothing they wore, and a mind full of pictures that will last forever.

We hosted a party for the young guests on Saturday night at a trampoline park called “Launch.” I will post some pictures from that when I have a chance to go through them.

Stay warm and have a good week!

Love,

Rebecca

This picture says it all

Mazal Tov Joshua!

Inspiration

Earlier today I wrote a post that talked a bit about some of the positives that have arisen from these past months and my mother’s recent passing.

One of the people who reached out to me is a dear friend, Beth, who lived in Riverdale until about ten years ago before moving to Israel with her husband and three children. Life in Israel is never easy, but they had a particularly rough period a few years after settling in Israel when their teenaged daughter, Gabi, developed depression and anorexia, a severe eating disorder. After five difficult years of hard work, she is establishing a life and career for herself, and has now chosen to share her experience in the hopes that she can encourage others in their struggles with this difficult disease.

You can hear and read more about Gabi’s experience by clicking on each of the links here.

First, a video posted on the YouTube channel.

Second, a blog posting on a website called “Times of Israel”

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/well-now-they-know/

Third, a piece broadcast on a local English language television news program in Israel

https://www.i24news.tv/en/tv/replay/trending/x683ita

Thank you, Beth, for sharing this with me and allowing me to pass it along to my friends.

Emotional extremes

I started blogging more than 5½ years ago following diagnosis and treatment for primary CNS lymphoma. At the time it was primarily to ease the burden on Barry, who was barraged with e-mail messages and phone calls that, try as he might, he simply could not handle while trying to take care of me. But the blogging served many other purposes, among them helping me to gain cognitive function and lift my spirits. Recently it has helped me through a second cancer diagnosis and treatment. And now, this week, it has helped me through the recent loss of my mother.

This has been a rather odd shiva week for me. It started strangely because I had not been able to visit my mother in some years, and in particular was unable to travel to Florida for her funeral. Of course, once again I am grateful to modern technology that allowed Simmie and me to sit here in New York and watch the funeral on my iPhone while Barry flew down to Florida and attended the funeral with his.

But what has made this week especially odd is that the seven sad days of shiva, which officially end on Saturday but because of Sabbath effectively end on Friday afternoon, will be followed by an unbelievably happy day as our family will gather in Sharon this Shabbat to celebrate our grandson Joshua becoming a Bar Mitzvah. So while I am saddened by my mother’s passing, I am also bursting with excitement at the upcoming simcha (happy occasion).

All week friends have visited and called as is the traditional Jewish way of comforting mourners. Perhaps some of them found my mood a bit more upbeat than the circumstances would seem to warrant. But having just survived a second cancer diagnosis and rather grueling treatment, I am overwhelmingly grateful to have made it to celebrate with Eliana two months ago and now with Joshua. It is hard to allow my mother’s passing, which, given her prognosis following a recent diagnosis of pancreatic cancer on top of a myriad of other health problems was perhaps a blessing at this point, to completely dampen my spirits.

So for all of you who have seen me over these past few days and may be scratching your heads or wondering if I am not as kind or caring a person as you may have thought I was, I hope you can understand where my heart is this week.

Love,

Rebecca

Baruch Dayan Emet

Baruch Dayan Emet: Blessed is the Righteous Judge. This is the phrase that traditional Jews use to acknowledge the news of a death, and I am sad to be putting it here as my mother passed away on Thursday evening.

Although the very strong Jewish custom is to bury the deceased within 24 hours of death, because our family is dispersed and because the Jewish Sabbath, a day when burials do not take place, begins on Friday evening, the burial was postponed until Sunday (tomorrow). It will be in Florida, where my parents had lived for many years and my father is buried. I will be sitting shiva through Wednesday at our home in Riverdale, and complete the week in Sharon.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Jewish customs following the loss of a loved one, I include a brief description here.

'Sitting shiva' is a term used to describe the action of Jewish mourners participating in the traditional rituals of mourning. Mourners include first-degree relatives: parents, siblings, spouses, and children. During the period of shiva, mourners traditionally sit on low stools while they receive condolence calls, visits from relatives and friends who come to comfort the mourners and help remember the life of their loved one. This is where the phrase “sitting shiva” comes from, and it is a practice that symbolizes the mourner being “brought low” following the loss of a loved one.

Love,

Rebecca

Hamilton

Many moons ago, as a gift for my 65^th birthday back in March, Barry bought two tickets for yesterday’s matinee performance of “Hamilton” on Broadway. This wildly popular award-winning show opened in the summer of 2015 and tickets are still very much in demand. Over the past few weeks we listened to the soundtrack album while reading a synopsis of each scene in the play to maximize our enjoyment and appreciation of the show.

To say that this did not disappoint would be a gross understatement! The cast is an amazingly talented group. Although Lin-Manuel Miranda is no longer playing the lead role, the ensemble that has been assembled is simply first rate. Included in the troupe is James Monroe Iglehart, whom we had previously seen and loved (twice) on Broadway as Aladdin in the play of the same name. Here, he plays the roles of both Marquis de Lafayette and Thomas Jefferson with the enormous charm and presence he brought to that previous Broadway role.

Because we had spent so much time listening to the soundtrack album, I was a bit worried that seeing the actual performance might be anticlimactic. But quite to the contrary, having familiarized ourselves with the details only enhanced our appreciation of the talent and magic of the live performance. There were so many highlights, but among our favorites were Euan Martin as King George, whose recurring appearances are amazingly clever and simply hilarious.

Broadway musicals always seem to end with a rousing, upbeat number during which the cast come out one by one or in small groups and take their bows. But this show had a distinctly different ending. The final number, “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story,” is a mournful tune, and when it ends the entire cast comes out in one line and takes a bow. I think this allowed the appropriate mood to linger after the lights went out, and it was brilliant.

At the end of the day, the lion’s share of the credit must still go to Lin-Manuel Miranda, who, “inspired by the book Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow,” is credited in the program with “Book, Music, and Lyrics.”

It is clear that I can hardly say enough positive about this show. I have just two pieces of advice:

1.    See it if you have the chance; the full list of all the cities where it is playing or scheduled to play can be found at https://seatgeek.com/tba/articles/hamilton-national-tour-dates-tickets-schedule/

2.    If you do plan to see it, spend some time listening to the CD and, if you haven’t read the book, reading a summary of the play scene by scene. We had read through this one while listening song by song:
http://hamiltonost.com/musical/hamilton-musical-act-1-summary-synopsis/

.    

Be well, all.

Love,

Rebecca