Derech Eretz

If you have been reading my blog even occasionally, then whether you are Jewish or not, traditionally observant or not, you have become aware there are many rules on activities that a person must or must not do, or can and cannot do on any particular day. There is daily prayer and observance of Sabbath and holidays as well as dietary laws. It is easy to see why people focus on these aspects which are relatively straightforward to observe as is done in his or her community.

But there is another side of Jewish life, and that is the equally important part of the Torah’s dictates on our relationships with other people. This can be at times significantly less obvious, and hence more difficult to achieve. One aspect of this is what we call derekh eretz.

Some behavior must be legislated in order for society to function. We need to have tax regulations, traffic rules, bankruptcy laws, and trial procedures. But then there are things that should not need to be the subject of bylaws, statutes, or house rules:  chewing gum is not to be disposed of on furniture or a floor; answering a telephone requires a pleasant demeanor; in a crowded parking lot one should park within the lines. In Hebrew, such basic, obvious consideration for others is called derekh eretz, which might be translated literally as “the way of the world.” 

I thought about this when reading the following in the weekly synagogue bulletin (parenthetical additions mine for those who many not know the Hebrew terms):

The XXX family is celebrating [their son] becoming a Bar Mitzvah this Shabbat. Among visiting extended family are members with mobility issues. The family requests that adults, teens and children please be careful not to push and shove when leaving the Main Shul (sanctuary) and going to the Social Hall for Kiddush (refreshments after services). In past visits, members of the family were pushed to the floor in the crush of people entering the Social Hall. Let's try to maintain derekh eretz and keep everyone safe. Shabbat Shalom.

As someone who needs assistance with mobility, I was horrified to read this but, to be very honest, not at all surprised. Barry can vouch for the fact that I speak often about feeling somewhat invisible. I can’t be sure if it is the oxygen, the wheelchair, the frequent confusion (unintentionally saying something ridiculous), but one way or another this leaves me feeling as if I am in a bubble with a world around me that cannot see inside the bubble. I went with the whole family to a picnic sponsored by the Synagogue yesterday. It was a beautiful day and the park is nearby so I drove over on my scooter. But as I tried to maneuver around, it felt as if people simply did not see me. With all the children running around there was a lot of noise so it was difficult to excuse myself above the din, but when I did and one person noticed, that person had trouble getting the others to clear a path.

Perhaps I am being a bit too harsh. But after more than three years of being in this state, I cannot deny that it can wear thin. As Barry reminds me, my task is to not let it bother me, easier for him to say than I suspect it would be for him to do.

On a far lighter note, here is a picture of a Challah made by Sharon’s own Mandylicious.

To all the moms out there, Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,

Rebecca