Special Relationships

Both of our daughters spoke movingly at their grandmother’s funeral last week. Because the ceremony was less than 24 hours after she left this world, they spoke from brief notes they had time to scribble on their way to New York. But now they have both written what they shared, and I include their words here.

20 years ago, I arrived as a Freshman at Boston University.  The day I arrived at my dorm room, my parents had a lot of advice for me.  My mom tried to make my bed a certain way (to which I said, “No thanks, Mom, I can make my own bed”).  They wanted me to play the Crosby, Stills, and Nash CD that everyone was listening to when they arrived at college (I nixed that too, and put on the most recent Dave Matthews Band CD).  They did, however, give me one piece of advice that I took.  They suggested that I call my Sabba and Savta once a week to say hello.  That was a piece of advice that I took, and took to heart.  I called them every Friday all through college.  We would talk about all kinds of things, and as much as I asked them about their life in New York, it became clear to me that Savta was more interested in hearing about my life than in telling me about hers.  I also learned that she was very attune to noises she heard coming over the phone line, so even in the busy dorm rooms, I worked to find a quiet space in which to speak to her.  I did not always speak to her at the same time every Friday—a semester with an early class meant that I would call her later in the day; while a later class schedule had me calling her after breakfast.  But I always kept calling.

I had many other connections to Savta over the years.  I took a class called Folklore and Folklife where the final assignment was to interview an older relative about their past.  I came to NY over a series of school vacations and interviewed Savta.  We sat there with a tape recorder and a blank cassette deck and she told me all about her life, about growing up with her sisters in Poland, coming here on the boat, and then about her adult life in Virginia and NY. 

I also connected her through my trips to NY.  My family and I travel frequently to NY to see both my parents and my in-laws and we would try to stop at her apartment in Riverdale to see her during those trips.  On one memorable week-long visit to my parents’ house Riverdale when my older daughter Eliana was about a year old, I put her in the stroller every morning and walked down the block to visit with Savta.  Eliana would sit and play with the Russian Doll set that all of the grandchildren have loved, and Savta and I would talk. 

Through all those years, I kept calling.  Savta loved to hear about my kids and the things that they did as they grew.

My family spent this past Thanksgiving weekend in NY.  At that point, she was not doing well, and I learned that her best time of day to talk was in the morning.  I took my family to visit Savta the morning after Thanksgiving.  She listened to my younger daughter Maya play the piano, and to my older daughter Eliana talk her ear off.  I am glad that we had that time together.

Even though I knew that the best time to call her was in the morning, with a busy teaching schedule that is not so easy.  I was happy to have off from work on Friday, December 25 so that I could call her after breakfast when I thought she would probably be awake.  We were able to talk that day, and I will be forever grateful that we spoke, because it was the last time we did. 

It does not escape my notice that today is Friday, and that’s our day to talk.  We always ended our calls by saying “I love you, Shabbat Shalom”.  Savta, I say to you today, “I love you, Shabbat Shalom.”

I will always think of my Savta on Fridays.

Simmie Hefetz

Savta’s granddaughter

One of my fondest memories of my Savta is that she used to tell us that she sat next to Donald Trump's mother in the beauty parlor.  I didn't know if this was actually true, or who Donald Trump really was, but she told this story many times over.  And even when she took me to Manhattan and we stood in front of Trump Tower on 5th Avenue, it still didn't seem to resonate.  Fast forward to today and Donald Trump is all over the news.  And my 9 year old daughter, Ella, is learning about the elections in school and can quote more from the debates and the news than her parents.  So I shared the story with her, that Savta used to sit next to his mom in the beauty parlor.  Finally, the reaction Savta was looking for!

As a girl, I remember visiting my Savta in NY.  She would take me for new dresses at Young World and boiled hot dogs at Burger Nosh.  But some of my best memories are just hanging out in their apartment.  As a little girl coming from the suburbs, I thought their apartment building was majestic.  There was a lobby and you had to go on an elevator just to get to the front door!  The labyrinth one had to walk through to get to the car left me mesmerized.  I loved how I could stand in the middle of the apartment and call "Savta" and she'd hear me.  Why would anyone want to live in a big house in the suburbs when the tiny apartment in Queens was so glamorous and convenient?

My grandmother was truly young at heart and a romantic.  As newlyweds, Aaron and I were visiting NY and took my Savta out to dinner.  After taking just a tiny sip from the wine on the table, she became giddy.  Completely drunk on the idea of getting dressed up and having dinner in the city brought her such joy.

One of the main things I learned from my Savta is the valuable relationship between sisters and cousins.  My Savta was the oldest of 3 girls and their cousin was like a 4th sister.  They talked, laughed, bickered, and kvetched about each other, in a way that only sisters who are really close can understand.   I see the relationship I have developed with my sister.  I see my daughters and their cousins - who are all being raised like siblings for better or worse!  And I know that this is truly her teachings and her legacy continuing on.

I will miss my Savta terribly.  But I know that she is together with the love of her life, my Sabba.  And the love I feel from my original immediate family and my current immediate family will carry us through.

Dina Saks

Savta’s granddaughter

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, an American federal holiday marking the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. It is observed on the third Monday of January each year, which is around Dr. King's birthday, January 15. Two acapella groups, The Maccabeats and Naturally 7, have just released a joint version of James Taylor’s 1991 “Shed a Little Light,” an inspiring piece for this day. This one is guaranteed to bring tears of hope and love.

Love,

Rebecca