It has taken me a
couple of days to compose this post because I feel a need to provide some
explanation. Many of my readers are from traditional Jewish backgrounds, and
may have a variety of customs related to the year following the death of a
parent. The “one size fits all” approach may not work so well in this setting,
and at the end of the day each of us has to reach his or her own conclusions
about what is and is not appropriate.
It is generally
accepted in the Jewish tradition that live music is a source of great joy, and as
a lifelong lover and sometimes player of music I certainly cannot disagree with
that. For this reason, following the passing of each of our parents, Barry and
I have abstained from attending live concerts and shows. That is why two years
ago I (alone) took the children to the Broadway shows during their New York
visits following the death of Barry’s mother, and Barry will be taking Maya to
“School of Rock” when she visits with us during the last week of December, the
visit that had to be postponed following my bladder cancer diagnosis this
summer.
But like so many
aspects of Jewish law, there are many grey areas. I know that many people avoid
movie theaters (even if they continue to view movies and television in the
privacy of their homes) during the mourning period. On the Chabad web page I
found a couple of useful points:
Joy, in terms of the
mourning tradition, is associated largely with public, social events rather
than with personal satisfactions.
Attendance at operas and
concerts, theaters and movies is to be discouraged. Listening to radio and
television, depends on the above-mentioned criteria of joy. Generally, sports
events and broadcasts over radio and TV of news and sports are permitted.
I am fascinated by
the specific exception made for sports events. Even very pious Jewish men
cannot live for a year without viewing their games! I can make a good argument
that film, for me, is the equivalent of sports. So I am very comfortable
continuing to see movies.
We have seen two
recently. The first is called “Lady Bird.” A.O. Scott’s New York Times review was
titled “Greta Gerwig’s ‘Lady Bird’ is Big Screen Perfection.” The movie is a
touching story of Christine (Saoirse Ronan, who was terrific in “Brooklyn,”
which I reviewed on 30 November 2015), a spirited 17-year-old who prefers to be
called “Lady Bird.” She is about to graduate high school and embark on her
adult life while plagued by ongoing battles with her mother, Marion (Laurie
Metcalf), who seems to be mad at the world. Her father, Larry (Tracy Letts) is a
good-hearted but long-suffering fellow who tries to help and support Christine
while dealing with his own difficulties. There are other interesting
characters, including Lady Bird’s brother and his wife and various male and
female friends who play a role in her life. She has a boyfriend who seems too
good to be true and is (turns out he is gay), another boyfriend who does not
deserve her affection, and girlfriends who are unable to be true friends. But
Lady Bird is far from perfect herself.
It is hard not to see
this film in the context of the current political climate. This seems to be a
family that should be at least comfortable with two reasonably well educated
parents, yet continues to struggle at every turn both financially and
psychologically. Unfortunately, this seems to be an all-too-familiar tale these
days.
The movie was written
and directed by Greta Gerwig and is at least partly autobiographical, but in
interviews Ms. Gerwig emphasizes that this is not strictly her own story.
Having said that, the characters seem quite real. It deserves the 100% it
received on Rotten Tomatoes.
“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri” received 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, but I have to say I really do not especially recommend this movie. The three billboards were paid for and painted by Mildred Hayes (Frances McDormand) whose 18-year-old daughter was brutally raped and murdered almost a year earlier and is angry that the state and local police, led by Chief William Willoughby (Woody Harrelson), himself dying of pancreatic cancer, have made no progress whatsoever in identifying the man who committed this heinous crime:
RAPED WHILE DYING
|
HOW COME,
CHIEF WILLOUGHBY?
|
It is certainly easy to understand this mother’s pain and anger, but as her anger turns to violent rage it is increasingly difficult to accept. Having said that, this film, too, may represent a sign of the times, when so many people feel increasingly frustrated with their lives and are struggling to find productive ways to channel that anger. Still, it was just so overwhelmingly depressing that I cannot recommend it.
So put those dark thoughts out of your mind, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Barry and I have prepared a big batch of root vegetables roasted with herbs to go along with the turkey and fixings our children are preparing, so our house smells terrific right now. We are looking forward to a fun weekend.
Love,
Rebecca
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